Letter of Introduction (posted January 20) Hey Molly! As you've already learned, my name is Joy. I'm a junior at Roosevelt High School and Central Academy/Campus. I take so many classes that interest me such as College Commercial Photography II and Honors Chem-Phys. I'm heavily involved with my high school such as being the outreach coordinator and future president of Roosevelt's Gay Straight Alliance, being in varsity One Act and varsity Musical Theatre for IHSSA, being on the Co-Ed and Riderettes Girls Dance Team, Chamber Choir member, National Honor Society member, and I was a Varsity and JV Cheerleader my freshman year. I'm an active thespian, dancer, and singer throughout the school, but Outside of the school is where I put most of my time. I teach ballet to 3-4 year olds, 1&2 graders, and 5 graders at the studio I dance at. I've been an assistant teacher since I was in 8th grade and I love it. The feeling you get when those kids dance at the recital with all the moves and techniques you have taught them is like no other feeling in the world. Other than teaching at the studio, Im heavily involved with my own classes. I take senior tap, ballet, pointe, and lyrical. I love ballet the most. It may be the most difficult, but it takes so much technique and so much grace I have the greatest respect for ballerinas. Someday I hope to even resemble those on a professional level. Though dance is my passion, I want to major in Biology. I hope to attend Northwestern University in Evanston, IL and go on to Boston University for medical school.
Writing for me, is a chore. I mean, when I get in the hang of it it's not to terrible, but I'd rather be doing something else. I think I'm a decent writer when I put my mind to it. I may understand English better than other subjects (says my ITBS and ITEDS scores), but I enjoy it less than science. Writing and English comes more naturally to me when I'm explaining a topic I have insight to, or a topic that I'm particularly interested in. But, I assume that is the case with most people, unless they enjoy reading about completely foreign subjects. I can rant about ballet, politics, and my future. When I write I can find myself getting in this mode similar to a hot dog grinder. A ton of different ideas, and thoughts all chopped and ground together to make one big article of writing. I need to work on become more organized not only with my thoughts, but with my wiriting, so it can be more structured.
I hope you can help me with my writing and I'm looking forward to work with you:)
-Joy.
Hi Joy!
My name is Molly and I am a junior English and Psychology double major at Drake! I am very involved in school activities! I am president of Drake's co-ed service fraternity, Alpha Phi Omega. We volunteer at many fun service opportunities around the Des Moines community - Night Eyes at the Blank Park Zoo, Living History Farms, the science center, and more! I also serve on the Honors Student Council as the Curriculum Committee Chair. I work around 20 hours per week at the Student Life Center as a manager. I have a twin brother named Mark who attends Washington University in St. Louis. He has never really been a fan of writing and reading. He's more interested in computers and environmental science.
I sometimes find that it's hard to get into the writing mode. It always seems to go that when I have inspiration to write, I don't have time to write. When I have time to write, I am never particularly inspired. One thing that helps me is to start writing assignments way before they are due. By doing this, I allow myself to brainstorm and test out a couple of topics before I actually delve into my rough draft. Otherwise, if I wait until the last minute, I don't have the opportunity to choose my favorite idea for the paper and I waste way more time trying to write about topics that don't interest me. I also like to have my rough draft finished a day or two before I have to turn in the assignment. Sometimes even finishing a paper right before I go to bed and then looking at it again in the morning can be helpful. I find that once I haven't looked at a paper in a while, I start to notice where my arguments seem weak and find sentences that clearly don't make any sense.
I personally believe that writing is a form of self-expression. Yes, there are rules that need to be followed. Ultimately, though, I think if you are proud of your writing and feel as though you successfully articulated your thoughts in written form to the best of your ability, you are a strong writer. Grammar and spelling can be taught - creativity is something more natural :)
I am really excited to work with you! I will be sure to focus on anything you feel you are struggling with. I hope you had a fantastic weekend!!
~Molly
Personal Reflection on Topic of Inquiry (posted RHS January 27 -- 171 January 29)
Expression is a daily routine whether people realize it or not. Humans express themselves through fashion, makeup, art, writing, and so many other forms. Conformity is such a huge part of society and people of all ages are pressured to conform to the norms of modern day culture. We, as a society, are talked at everyday to morph ourselves into a thinner, more beautiful, more perfect versions of what we already are. When I was in middle school, Hollister brand and Abercrombie were the top places to shop, and if you didn't have your wardrobe decked out in Hol. Co, or A&F, you weren't up to standards. It may seem shallow, but every person in this world can admit to dealing with the heavy weight of peer pressure. It's easy to conform and mold to what society expects of you, but it's difficult to express yourself truly. The media publishes articles about how to dress and how to look and almost commands people to become a certain way, or you make become the next victim of the "Fashion Police". Above everything else, I respect those who can be themselves. I respect those who can create a price of artwork with their clothes everyday, and wear what they do in an unexpected manner. I respect those people out of the norm, who are criticized for something that may be in fashion a year from now. I choose to express myself through my daily routines, I am who I am because of them. I dress myself, not to please other people, but so when I take a peek in the mirror at my outfit I have nothing but positive things to think. I style my hair everyday according to the mood I'm feeling; I may just put the mess of locks in a high bun if I'm feeling lazy, but I may feel motivated and proactive so I might try a new hairstyle that requires a little extra effort. I persevere in school and do my best, because I want the best for my future and I don't care if someone calls me a nerd because of it. I dance everyday because I can express all my excess emotions through dance. With each step and each move dancers convey emotion and expression. They dance because they love it, not because people tell them to. I dress, dance, style, speak, breathe, live the way I do because it is part of my being. It is who I am, and to lose that to the great sea of society would be the worst fate you could endure.
Joy,
It sounds as though you recognize peer pressure’s affect on yourself and your peers, although believe your sense of self and self-expression reflect your unique passions. You claim that you value defining yourself with multiple areas of your life: your clothes, your hair, your academic attitude, and your dancing. Would you say that a struggle to overcome peer pressure has defined you? What do you think helped you make the transition from feeling confined by peer pressure to recognizing your respect for “those who can create a piece of artwork with their clothes everyday, and wear what they do in an unexpected manner”? In what ways do people question your choices of self-expression, and how do you deal with that criticism? Your reflection suggests that you see peer pressure and the pressures of media as negative influences on the world. Can you think of ways in which this type of pressure has impacted the world in a positive way?
I really respect your confidence! The ability to articulate your beliefs and passions, as you do in this essay, is a great skill for writing. Even though you mention that, “writing, for me is a chore,” in your introduction letter, maybe approaching your writing with the same desire to insert yourself into the culture can make writing seem more exciting.
One suggestion I would offer in terms of this particular assignment is to be sure and read the writing prompt a few times before you begin writing. Although your response describes your personal philosophy, you did not directly address aspects such as ending the narrative “with a question about your chosen topic of inquiry” or the specific “events in life that have defined you” and influenced your notion of creativity. Spell-check wouldn’t be a horrible idea, either ;)
I look forward to reading and responding to more of your writing! Hang in there!
~Molly
Rough Draft Definition (posted RHS February 3 -- 171 February 5)
Passion. Defined by merriamwebste, it is "a strong liking or desire for or devotion to some activity object or concept.
Can passion be described in words? Everyone has felt it in their lives, It's strong, compelling, magnetic characteristics overwhelm us in a whirlwind of emotion. Passion Is that feeling you get in your gut that draws you toward an obect, activity or person. It is a great emotion that is as powerful, but not the same, as love and infatuation. I feel passion when I dance. I feel unimaginably content, optimistic, curious, accomplished, never bored, and devoted when I dance. If dance was not my passion, it would not feel so many things at once. Your passion defines who you are. If your passion is photography, you may carry around a Canon EOS Rebel T3i around your neck, always thinking of capturing street life around you into a piece of art. Your life may be completely revolved around your passion, because unlike everything else, your passion never bores you, it never disappoints, and it will always find a way to touch you. But, passion may cause terrible destruction. The word passion, in it's greek roots, directly means to suffer. In Hamlet, passion ultimately caused death and tragedy. If you love something so much, if it is your passion, you're willing to give your all to it, and ultimately your life in some cases.
(Im stuck here. ) HELP?!
Passion. Defined by merriamwebste, it is "a strong liking or desire for or devotion to some activity object or concept. Can passion be described in words? What makes it difficult to define passion? Everyone has felt it in their lives, It's strong, compelling, magnetic characteristics overwhelm us in a whirlwind of emotion. Passion Is that feeling you get in your gut that draws you toward an obect, activity or person. It seems like this is your definition of passion – good job creating a clear and basic definition. It is a great emotion that is as powerful, but not the same, as love and infatuation. What makes passion different from love and infatuation? I feel passion when I dance. Did you know dance would be your passion when you first started dancing? Is passion something you develop, or something you feel the first time you do something? I feel unimaginably content, optimistic, curious, accomplished, never bored, and devoted when I dance. If dance was not my passion, it would not feel so many things at once. Your passion defines who you are. Can you have more than one passion? If your passion is photography, you may carry around a Canon EOS Rebel T3i around your neck, always thinking of capturing street life around you into a piece of art. Your life may be completely revolved around your passion, because unlike everything else, your passion never bores you, it never disappoints, and it will always find a way to touch you. But, passion may cause terrible destruction. The word passion, in it's greek roots, directly means to suffer. Where did this information come from? In Hamlet, passion ultimately caused death and tragedy. Pretend your reader has not read Hamlet – how does passion cause “death and tragedy”? If you love something so much, if it is your passion, you're willing to give your all to it, and ultimately your life in some cases. Does this mean passion can be a bad thing to have? Maybe you can explore cases in which passion can be harmful? Do you ever feel as though your passion for dance has been negative in any way?
(Im stuck here. ) HELP?!
Joy, I think you’re on the right track in terms of explaining what passion means. You identify the term being defined, present a clear and basic definition, and use a few examples to explain the word. You are addressing the main parts of the assignment, which is the foundation for any good paper! One thing that might help you create a stronger argument is to think about definitions of passion that might be different from your own. You might be able to use these ideas to help make your definition more unique. I’ve added some other questions throughout your paper to help you think about other things you can add.
Please let me know if you have any questions!
~Molly
Revision Definition (posted RHS February 10 -- 171 February 12 ) Passion. Defined by Merriam Webster Dictionary, it is "a strong liking or desire for or devotion to some activity object or concept.
Can passion be described in words? Everyone has felt it in their lives, its strong, compelling, magnetic characteristics overwhelm us in a whirlwind of emotion. Passion is that feeling you get in your gut that draws you toward an object, activity or person. It is a great emotion that is as powerful, but not the same, as love and infatuation. Love is trust and attraction and is magnetic. Infatuation is similar to love, but in a more obsessive compulsive manner. Passion is more of an interest, a specific idea you're never bored with. It may be a overwhelming feeling when you participate in a certain activity. For example, I feel passion when I dance. I feel unimaginably content, optimistic, curious, accomplished, never bored, and devoted when I dance. If dance was not my passion, I would not feel so many things at once. Your passion defines who you are. If your passion is photography, you may carry around a Canon EOS Rebel T3i around your neck, always thinking of capturing street life around you and creating it into a piece of art. Your life may be completely revolved around your passion, because unlike everything else, your passion never bores you, it never disappoints, and it will always find a way to touch you. But, passion may cause terrible destruction. According to answers.com and wikipedia.com , the word passion, in it's greek roots, directly means to suffer. In Hamlet, passion ultimately caused death and tragedy. If you love something so much, if it is your passion, you're willing to give your all to it, and ultimately your life in some cases. I would do anything to fulfill my dream and dance on the stage with the Paris Opera Ballet Company. I would go at any measure or a great feat to live up to that dream. Because I know I will never be able to make a profession out of my dancing because of my height, my training and other factors, it kills me inside to know that I will not be able to continue with my passion for the rest of my life as I am now in high school. Knowing this, I have no doubt in my mind tears and a great weight of sadness will lay on my platter tutu during my last solo of my senior recital. Passion is what driving my daily life. I teach ballet just to see those little girls in pink tutus, in bright lights and all the glamour, dancing what I taught them. Seeing them love dance as I do fills my whole self with unexplainable happiness. I feel so many things when I dance, it has to me more than my hobby, it is my passion.
Joy,
I think you did a great job trying to incorporate my previous comments. I think the main goal now is to try and move around some sentences so that your ideas seem more connected.
I hope my comments will help with this!
~Molly
Passion. Defined by Merriam Webster Dictionary, it is "a strong liking or desire for or devotion to some activity object or concept.
Can passion be described in words? Everyone has felt it in their lives, its strong, compelling, magnetic characteristics overwhelm us in a whirlwind of emotion. Passion is that feeling you get in your gut that draws you toward an object, activity or person. It is a great emotion that is as powerful, but not the same, as love and infatuation. Love is trust and attraction and is magnetic. Infatuation is similar to love, but in a more obsessive compulsive manner. Passion is more of an interest, a specific idea you're never bored with. It may be a overwhelming feeling when you participate in a certain activity. For example, I feel passion when I dance. I feel unimaginably content, optimistic, curious, accomplished, never bored, and devoted when I dance. If dance was not my passion, I would not feel so many things at once. Your passion defines who you are. Are you using photography as another example of something you are passionate about? If not, maybe you can consider taking this part out. If your passion is photography, you may carry around a Canon EOS Rebel T3i around your neck, always thinking of capturing street life around you and creating it into a piece of art. Your life may be completely revolved around your passion, because unlike everything else, your passion never bores you, it never disappoints, and it will always find a way to touch you. But, passion may cause terrible destruction. According to answers.com and wikipedia.com , the word passion, in it's greek roots, directly means to suffer. In Hamlet, passion ultimately caused death and tragedy. I think you have a stronger example of a way in which passion causes suffering by your example of feeling sad about your future dance plans. If you love something so much, if it is your passion, you're willing to give your all to it, and ultimately your life in some cases. I would do anything to fulfill my dream and dance on the stage with the Paris Opera Ballet Company. I would go at any measure or a great feat to live up to that dream. Because I know I will never be able to make a profession out of my dancing because of my height, my training and other factors, it kills me inside to know that I will not be able to continue with my passion for the rest of my life as I am now in high school. How has the knowledge that you “will never be able to make a profession out of” your dancing change your passion? Knowing this, I have no doubt in my mind tears and a great weight of sadness will lay on my platter tutu during my last solo of my senior recital. Passion is what driving my daily life. I teach ballet just to see those little girls in pink tutus, in bright lights and all the glamour, dancing what I taught them. How is your passion for teaching dance different from your passion for dancing? Seeing them love dance as I do fills my whole self with unexplainable happiness. I feel so many things when I dance, it has to me more than my hobby, it is my passion.
Make sure you read your sentences out loud! Doing so will help you catch grammar mistakes and incomplete sentences. Great work, Joy!
Final Definition (posted RHS February 17 -- 171 February 19 )
Passion. Defined by Merriam Webster Dictionary, it is "a strong liking or desire for or devotion to some activity object or concept.”
Can passion be described in words? Everyone has felt it in their lives; its strong, compelling, magnetic characteristics overwhelm us in a whirlwind of emotion. Passion is that feeling you get in your gut that draws you toward an object, activity, or person. It is a great emotion that is as powerful, but not the same, as love and infatuation. Love is trust and attraction and is magnetic. Infatuation is similar to love, but in a more obsessive, compulsive manner. Passion is more of an interest, a specific idea you're never bored with. It may be an overwhelming feeling when you participate in a certain activity. For example, I feel passion when I dance. I feel unimaginably content, optimistic, curious, accomplished, never bored, and devoted when I dance. If dance was not my passion, I would not feel so many things at once. Your passion defines who you are. If your passion is photography, you may carry around a Canon EOS Rebel T3i around your neck, always thinking of capturing life around you and creating it into a piece of art. Your life may be completely revolved around your passion, because unlike everything else, your passion never bores you, it never disappoints, and it will always find a way to touch you. But, passion may cause terrible destruction. According to answers.com and wikipedia.com , the word passion, in its Greek roots, directly means to suffer. In “Romeo and Juliet” passion ultimately caused death and tragedy. Romeo’s and Juliet’s passion for each other ultimately caused their deaths, because they believed they could not live without each other. The passion and commitment that Martin Luther King Jr. had for the Civil Rights Movement cost him his life. If you love something so much, if it is your passion, you're willing to give your all to it, and ultimately your life in some cases. I would do anything to fulfill my dream and dance on the stage with the Paris Opera Ballet Company. I would go to any measure to achieve that dream. Then reality checks me. I know it is unlikely that I will ever be able to make a profession out of my dancing because of my height, my training, and other factors. It kills me inside to know that I will not be able to continue with my passion for the rest of my life. Knowing this, I have no doubt in my mind tears and a great weight of sadness will lie on my platter tutu during my last solo of my senior recital. Passion is what drives my daily life. I teach ballet just to see those little girls in pink tutus, in bright lights and all the glamour, dancing what I taught them. Seeing them love dance as I do fills my whole self with unexplainable happiness. I feel so many things when I dance, it has to be more than my hobby; dance is my passion.
Molly- Im SOOOO Sorry! My computer wouldnt let me get on wikispaces last week, and I just got around to getting onto the laptop. I gave my teachers this last monday when it was due. Hope this is okay!
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Can passion be described in words? Everyone has felt it in their lives; its strong, compelling, magnetic characteristics overwhelm us in a whirlwind of emotion. Passion is that feeling you get in your gut that draws you toward an object, activity, or person. It is a great emotion that is as powerful, but not the same, as love and infatuation. Love is trust and attraction and is magnetic. Infatuation is similar to love, but in a more obsessive, compulsive manner. Passion is more of an interest, a specific idea you're never bored with. It may be an overwhelming feeling when you participate in a certain activity. I still feel like this first part is a little incomplete. Maybe if you described what “that feeling you get in your gut” is like, or if you were able to provide specific examples of something that you love, or something that you are infatuated with, you might be able to move away from being vague. For example, I feel passion when I dance. I feel unimaginably content, optimistic, curious, accomplished, never bored, and devoted when I dance. If dance was not my passion, I would not feel so many things at once.
Your passion defines who you are. If your passion is photography, you may carry around a Canon EOS Rebel T3i around your neck, always thinking of capturing life around you and creating it into a piece of art. I know you said you are also passionate about photography, but I think this example might have been more effective if you were able to explain more fully how this art form produces passion in your life. Your life may be completely revolved around your passion, because unlike everything else, your passion never bores you, it never disappoints, and it will always find a way to touch you. Does this mean that people are always passionate about the same things their entire lives? But, passion may cause terrible destruction. According to answers.com and wikipedia.com , the word passion, in its Greek roots, directly means to suffer. In “Romeo and Juliet” passion ultimately caused death and tragedy. Romeo’s and Juliet’s passion for each other ultimately caused their deaths, because they believed they could not live without each other. I like that you brought in Romeo and Juliet , rather than Hamlet , because you have actually read it! Again, this example could have been expanded even more. The passion and commitment that Martin Luther King Jr. had for the Civil Rights Movement cost him his life. Did his “passion and commitment” actually “cost him his life”? Or did others’ disagreement with the Civil Rights Movement and his views do this? If you love something so much, if it is your passion, you're willing to give your all to it, and ultimately your life in some cases.
I would do anything to fulfill my dream and dance on the stage with the Paris Opera Ballet Company. I would go to any measure to achieve that dream. Then reality checks me. Does passion always have to defy reality? I know it is unlikely that I will ever be able to make a profession out of my dancing because of my height, my training, and other factors. It kills me inside to know that I will not be able to continue with my passion for the rest of my life. Knowing this, I have no doubt in my mind tears and a great weight of sadness will lie on my platter tutu during my last solo of my senior recital. Passion is what drives my daily life. I teach ballet just to see those little girls in pink tutus, in bright lights and all the glamour, dancing what I taught them. Seeing them love dance as I do fills my whole self with unexplainable happiness. I feel so many things when I dance, it has to be more than my hobby; dance is my passion.
Molly- Im SOOOO Sorry! My computer wouldnt let me get on wikispaces last week, and I just got around to getting onto the laptop. I gave my teachers this last monday when it was due. Hope this is okay!
Hi Joy,
Thanks for posting this! In the future, you’re more than welcome to email me your assignment. My email is molly.wilensky@drake.edu . I think it would benefit both of us for you to turn your work in on time, when possible. I think you made a lot of progress from your first draft because you were able to expand on your personal examples and attempt to clarify how passion differs from love and infatuation. I look forward to continuing working with youJ
Reflection #1 (posted RHS February 20 -- 171 February 22)
This assignment was fairly difficult for me. I already have a hard time explaining and defining this in a clear manner, so this assignment really tested me. Also, after I defined passion in the first paragraph, I didn't really know where to go with my paper. I ended up ranting about dancing, and I guess that's a sure sign that dance is my passion, but ranting in an academic essay probably isn't the best, so it took a lot of editing to get this where I wanted. Honestly, I liked the end product and I thought I did my best, because I don't understand what I could change about it more. I just hope it's up to par with Mr. Johnson and mostly Mrs. Lange. Thank you for helping me with it! You brought up a lot of questions I wouldn't of asked myself, because I already knew the answers, but the reader doesn't. Thanks!
Do you feel as though you learned anything new that might be able to help you if you have a hard time with a future assignment? If so, what?
I think your initial “ranting” allowed you to get a sense of what you wanted to talk about, which definitely helped shape your “end product.”
I really like working with you, Joy! I will get a chance to respond to the final draft of your definition paper tomorrow.
Rough Draft Comparison (posted RHS February 24 -- 171 February 26 ) Passion and hate may be opposites, but they may be the same almost. Passion you have deep feeling towards something, You may love it, you may make it you're hobby, you may make your whole life surround your passion. Hate is hard to put into words. It's a bursting feeling of loathing that creates an overwhelming feeling of hostility. Both emotions are strong and smothering. They both make blood rush to the head and cause un-levelheaded decisions.Maybe they can go hand in hand, because you can hate something so much you make it your passion. But you can't hate your passion, because passion is what you love, your passion defines who you are.
Im super stuck. HELP. Thanks, Joy
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Passion and hate may be opposites, but they may be the same almost. Maybe you can describe an instance in which passion and hate are opposites, but then transform into something similar. I know you have mentioned before, in your definition paper, “Iknow I will never be able to make a profession out of my dancing because of my height, my training and other factors, it kills me inside to know that I will not be able to continue with my passion for the rest of my life as I am now in high school.” Would you consider this understanding, that you “will not be able to continue with [your] passion…” something that has created a hate for dance? If not, maybe you can think about an instance during your career as a dancer that has caused the emotion of hate.
Passion you have deep feeling towards something, You may love it, you may make it you're hobby, you may make your whole life surround your passion. Can hate be considered a “deep feeling towards something?” If so, is a “deep feeling” of hate any different from a “deep feeling” of passion? In what ways?
Hate is hard to put into words. Why?What makes hate harder to “put into words” than passion? It's a bursting feeling of loathing that creates an overwhelming feeling of hostility. What, in your life, has caused this “bursting feeling of loathing”?
Both emotions are strong and smothering. Here you identify that passion and hate have a similarity: both are emotions. I think this distinction is important to note in your comparison! They both make blood rush to the head and cause un-levelheaded decisions.Maybe they can go hand in hand, because you can hate something so much you make it your passion. How can hate transform into passion? How can passion transform into hate? But you can't hate your passion, because passion is what you love, your passion defines who you are. Can you hate certain parts of your passion? If they go “hand in hand,” then how can your statement that “you can’t hate your passion” be true?This whole paragraph might work well up top, as it expands on your claim that “passion and hate may be opposites.”
Im super stuck. HELP. Hopefully my questions will make you think about different aspects of both passion and hate that you feel comfortable writing about! I think examples from your life would be particularly beneficial for this paper. Maybe re-reading your final definition paper would help!
Thanks, Joy
Revision Comparison (posted RHS March 2 -- 171 March 4)
Passion and hate may be opposites, but they may be the same almost. Your passion fills you with content-ness and interest. Your hate fills you with obsession and loathing, it breeds inside you and consumes you. Hatred is contagious, where passion is personal. Your passion is part of who you are. My passion is dance, it defines me: I am a dancer. I dance 6 days a week, I teach ballet, I live for The small enjoyment I get when I accomplish a difficult step. Hatred, on the other hand can be spread like a virus. Nazi Germany is a perfect example of contagious hatred. Hilter hated the minorities an he spread his hate and caused the biggest genocide the world has ever known.
Passion you have deep feeling towards something, You may love it, you may make it you're hobby, you may make your whole life surround your passion. Hate, can also be a deep feeling. It can be deeper than any pit known to man, it can be surrounding, and consuming.
Hate is hard to put into words. Any emotion is. Every human in the world has felt hate, love, passion, sadness, and happiness. When asked to define hate, I stopped and thought, web have I felt hatred and what did it feel like? It's a bursting feeling of loathing that creates an overwhelming feeling of hostility. I have only felt hatred a few times in my life span, once while I was at a counter protest for the West Burrow Baptist Church, and another when someone tried to justify the repeal of gay marriage. My blood boils when one dehumanizes or belittles another just for being themselves, maybe that makes equal rights another one of my passions. Because I hate people who have no respect for equality, fighting for equality may be a smaller passion of mine next to dancing. When I fight for people who dont have a voice, who are tormented and ridiculed, for people who don't have the same opportunities as I, I feel empowered and strong. I want to crush the hate of others with my want for equality. My passion that defines my daily life is dancing, but my hate for injustice created another passion for me: equality.
Both emotions are strong and smothering. They both make blood rush to the head and cause un-levelheaded decisions.Maybe they can go hand in hand, because you can hate something so much you make it your passion. Both hate and passion define who you are, because those two emotions motivate your actions in your life. Hitlers hate murdered millions of innocent people, it was his passion, it was his drive in life, he wanted power and control and he let his hatred consume him. Jane Goodalls passion for animals has had a significant mark on nature and she has done everything in her power to help the endangered animals in need. Both of these are examples of how one can turn their hate or passion into their lifestyles. They both cause blood to rush, they both are extreme, and they both make people choose the paths of life their going to take. But, it's up to one to decide if hate or passion is going to consume them. I choose my passion, I choose dance, I choose what makes me smile, rather than to choose the hatred that fills me when I see injustice. What one chooses defines the rest of their lives.
Choose wisely.
__
Passion and hate may be opposites, but they may be the same almost. You might want to change the phrase: “they may be the same almost” because this paragraph seems to be distinguishing what you think is the difference between passion and hate. Your passion fills you with content-ness and interest. Your hate fills you with obsession and loathing, it breeds inside you and consumes you. Hatred is contagious, where passion is personal. What happens when you have the same passion as someone else? What makes passion personal? Your passion is part of who you are. My passion is dance, it defines me: I am a dancer. I dance 6 days a week, I teach ballet, I live for The small enjoyment I get when I accomplish a difficult step. Hatred, on the other hand can be spread like a virus. Nazi Germany is a perfect example of contagious hatred. Hilter hated the minorities an he spread his hate and caused the biggest genocide the world has ever known. Can Hitler’s hatred for minorities be considered passion?Are you trying to say that hatred occurs when one person convinces everyone else of their passion, even when that passion has the potential to cause “the biggest genocide the world has ever known”?
Passion you have deep feeling towards something, You may love it, you may make it you're hobby, you may make your whole life surround your passion. Hate, can also be a deep feeling. It can be deeper than any pit known to man, it can be surrounding, and consuming. I think this paragraph begins to show how “they may be the same almost.”
Hate is hard to put into words. Any emotion is. Every human in the world has felt hate, love, passion, sadness, and happiness. { When asked to define hate, I stopped and thought, web have I felt hatred and what did it feel like? }While I think this was a good thought process to help yourself define hate, this sentence seems out of place. It's a bursting feeling of loathing that creates an overwhelming feeling of hostility. I have only felt hatred a few times in my life span, once while I was at a counter protest for the West Burrow Baptist Church, and another when someone tried to justify the repeal of gay marriage. My blood boils when one dehumanizes or belittles another just for being themselves, maybe that makes equal rights another one of my passions. Because I hate people who have no respect for equality, fighting for equality may be a smaller passion of mine next to dancing. When I fight for people who dont have a voice, who are tormented and ridiculed, for people who don't have the same opportunities as I, I feel empowered and strong. I want to crush the hate of others with my want for equality. My passion that defines my daily life is dancing, but my hate for injustice created another passion for me: equality. I think this paragraph does a good job of tying your definitions of hate and passion together.
Both emotions are strong and smothering. They both make blood rush to the head and cause un-levelheaded decisions.Maybe they can go hand in hand, because you can hate something so much you make it your passion. { Both hate and passion define who you are, because those two emotions motivate your actions in your life. } I think this sentence does a great job of showing the effect of hate and passion on one’s life. Hitlers hate murdered millions of innocent people, it was his passion, it was his drive in life, he wanted power and control and he let his hatred consume him. Jane Goodalls passion for animals has had a significant mark on nature and she has done everything in her power to help the endangered animals in need. Both of these are examples of how one can turn their hate or passion into their lifestyles. They both cause blood to rush, they both are extreme, and they both make people choose the paths of life their going to take. But, it's up to one to decide if hate or passion is going to consume them. It seems like you saying people have to “decide if hate or passion is going to consume them” contradicts when you say “Hitlers hate murdered millions of innocent people, it was his passion…” because in your example of Hitler, you find that his hate and passion are related. You might want to work through these conflicting ideas. I choose my passion, I choose dance, I choose what makes me smile, rather than to choose the hatred that fills me when I see injustice. But, if you don’t “choose the hatred,” will that limit you from finding out more of your passions? You say earlier in the paper that “I hate people who have no respect for equality.” How would you have found your passion for protesting and fighting for equality if you didn’t engage with hate? What one chooses defines the rest of their lives.
Choose wisely. I think you might need to re-work these last two sentences. If you are writing a paper based on comparison, it can be confusing to the reader to end with a call for a choice between the two, which focuses on the differences, rather than similarities, between the two emotions.
Final Comparison (posted RHS March 9 -- 171 March 11) [[file/view/Compare+%26Contrast+Essay.docx| Compare &Contrast Essay.docx ]]
Heres a copy with a few small grammar changes! [[file/view/Compare+%26Contrast+Essay.docx| Compare &Contrast Essay.docx ]]
Joy Dannelly AP Lang & Comp. 11 March 2012 Compare & Contrast Essay Emotions help define who you are. If you act cheerful, you are describes as joyous and optimistic, if you act sinical and gloomy, you may have a reputation of being pessimistic. Your actions are dependent on your feelings. If you are passionate about something, for an example, dance, you can spend hours on end watching a ballet, and listening to music choreographing in your head. If you are hateful towards something, your mind can turn twisted and imagine terrible fates for the one you hate. A person usually promotes general well being with their passion. What do you mean by “general well being”? What happens when passion becomes harmful? I, for example teach young kids ballet, tap, and tumbling because dance is my passion and it brings great joy to me when I see other kids loving dance as much I as do. Hate, on the other hand, promotes danger and hostility. One may bring pain and death to a subject they hate, like the Columbine murders, the shooters were full of hate towards the students and wanted to being ultimate suffering to those who they loathed. Passion and hate may be similar because they are both emotions, but they are very different when someone lets them affect their actions. In what other ways are hate and passion similar? Can’t passion also “promote danger and hostility?” I think you could work more with the similarities between the two. Passion and hate may be opposites. Your passion fills you with content-ness and interest. Your hate fills you with obsession and loathing, it breeds inside you and consumes you. Hatred is contagious, where passion is personal. In what ways can passion be “contagious”? Your passion is part of who you are. My passion is dance, it defines me: I am a dancer. I dance 6 days a week, I teach ballet, I live for the small enjoyment I get when I accomplish a difficult step. Hatred, on the other hand can be spread like a virus. Can’t passion also be “spread like a virus”? Nazi Germany is a perfect example of contagious hatred. Hilter hated the minorities and he spread his hate and caused the biggest genocide the world has ever known. Hate grows and eventually becomes a black hole where you lose yourself and your true self may never be found again. Again, I think you need to address how passion might also fit your description of hate as a “black hole where you lose yourself…”
Passion you have deep feeling towards something, you may love it, you may make it you're hobby, you may make your whole life surround your passion. Hate, can also be a deep feeling. It can be deeper than any pit known to man, it can be surrounding, and consuming. Both of these emotions smother you in so much feeling, you can lose rationalization and level-headness. I think identifying both as producing a “deep feeling ” helps connect the two in comparison. I lose myself to my dancing sometimes and dance on pointe until my toes turn white and bruised, I stop thinking about time and where I need to be and what I need to be doing because I am dancing. Nothing matter more in the world than when I’m alone in the studio working on my solo. I have found myself lost in my dancing many times, but I have only found myself lost in hatred very few times. You may lose yourself to these emotions, for they both have a strong grasp over someone. Can you describe a time in which you hated dance?
Hate is hard to put into words. Any emotion is. Every human in the world has felt hate, love, passion, sadness, and happiness. Love and hate are so difficult to define because they are emotions that are thrown arounf a lot by society. How does love fit in with passion? When a child says to their mother “I hate you”, because they didn’t get the new Barbie they wanted, they don’t truly comprehend the meaning of hate. Why not? What emotion are they actually experiencing? When asked to define hate, I stopped and thought, when have I truly felt hatred, and what did it feel like? It's a bursting feeling of loathing that creates an overwhelming feeling of hostility. I have only felt hatred a few times in my life span, once while I was at a counter protest for the West Burrow Baptist Church, and another when someone tried to justify the repeal of gay marriage. My blood boils when one dehumanizes or belittles another just for being themselves, maybe that makes equal rights another one of my passions. I think this part is confusing because you are in the middle of defining hate, but you also talk about how “equal rights [is] another one of [your] passions.” Because I hate people who have no respect for equality, fighting for equality may be a smaller passion of mine next to dancing. In this case, how can you distinguish between hate and passion? What is the difference between “[hating] people who have no respect for equality” and “fighting for equality”? Seeing those people from WBBC, holding signs and degrading people by public humiliation, hearing the names they yelled at the gays, jews, etc., seeing a 8year old boy holding a sign that read “GOD HATES FAGS” on his birthday, all those things made me full of disgust, shame, fury, hate. I needed to counteract those people who turned my religion against the people I fought for. Those people made my hand clench and my muscles tight when they “spoke for God”. I grew up learning God loves everyone, no matter race, no matter sexual orientation, age, socio-economic status, background, no matter what. And when those neo-nazi West Burrow Baptist members tyied to speak for the God I had understand to be forgiving and loving, when they tried to turn God into a hateful, punishing, judgmental dictator, something in me snapped. I felt more hate inside me than I had ever before. I chose to turn my hate into a passion, I chose to fight against those who dehumanize others and degrade others. How did you “turn [your] hate into a passion?” This might be a good place for you to describe how hate and passion are different, and where they merge into similarity. When I fight for people who dont have a voice, who are tormented and ridiculed, for people who don't have the same opportunities as I, I feel empowered and strong. I want to crush the hate of others with my want for equality. My passion that defines my daily life is dancing, but my hate for injustice created another passion for me: equality. I think you do a good job here of explaining how hate can produce passion.
Both emotions are strong and smothering. They both make blood rush to the head and cause un-levelheaded decisions. Maybe they can go hand in hand, because you can hate something so much you make it your passion. Both hate and passion define who you are, because those two emotions motivate your actions in your life. Hitlers hate murdered millions of innocent people, it was his passion, it was his drive in life, he wanted power and control and he let his hatred consume him. Jane Goodalls passion for animals has had a significant mark on nature and she has done everything in her power to help the endangered animals in need. Both of these are examples of how one can turn their hate or passion into their lifestyles. They both cause blood to rush, they both are extreme, and they both make people choose the paths of life their going to take. But, it's up to one to decide if hate or passion is going to consume them. Do people always have the ability to choose whether “hate or passion is going to consume them?” I choose my passion, I choose dance, I choose what makes me smile, rather than to choose the hatred that fills me when I see injustice. What one chooses defines the rest of their lives, whether you make hate or passion your driving force. It sounds like you are saying that passion can result in action against hate. This might be one clearer way to describe the relationship between the two.
Joy, I think you definitely developed your paper a lot since your first draft. I think a focus for you, in the future, would be to make an outline of what you want to say. The structure of your paper is somewhat confusing because you keep jumping between talking about passion and hate separately, talking about their similarities, and talking about their differences. In separating these main areas of your paper, you might be able to more clearly differentiate between the two definitions of passion and hate. Also, make sure you spell-check and read sentences out loud. Some of the confusion about what you were trying to say came from run-on sentences. ~Molly
Reflection #2 (RHS March 16 -- 171 March 25) Hey! Sorry about the delay, I switched classes and have been trying to get my new schedule under my belt! Even though Ill be in a different class, Ill still be collaborating with you:) I thought I did really well on this essay because it really expresses my feelings about the differences of hate and passion in my life and how they interact. The essay clearly explains the similarities and differences of hate and passion. I think I could have organized it a little better, but I tried following the point by point structure by saying one point about hate, then about passion, then about hate, then about passion, and then similarities and so on. I really started from scratch in this essay, because I hate no idea what to compare passion to, and then when asked to describe hate, it really took me a minute to sit back and think for a little bit and wrap my mind around the idea, the feeling, and the effects of hate, and find a way to weave that into my previous topic, passion.Thank you for helping me on it!
Rough Draft Argument (posted RHS April 6 -- 171 April 8)
, Dancers spend hours perfecting a single move. They wrap their tired, bloody toes before they slide their feet into ballet pink tights. Dancers move gracefully in pointe shoes and keep a calm face as their toes wither in pain as the hard boxes of the shoes press against their toes and cause blisters and bruised toenails. Anyone who says dancing is not a sport obviously has never felt the endurance, the rush, the pain, the joy, the accomplishments of dancing. Like any other sport, dancers have a team, if one dancer in your class does not put in the same effort as another dancer, the team suffers by embarrassing themselves at a recital, or losing at a competition, the same way a soccer team losses their game if their goalie isnt paying attention, or a football team only has one good player, but the rest of the the the team cant defend him.Dance is a sport, regardless if it is recognized as one or not.
Dancers work out, have practices, stretch, have uniforms and routines just as ay other sport does. As a tennis team prepares for a match by packing their rackets, stretching their arms, and hitting tennis balls across the court, dancers stretch their lean muscles farther than most minds can fathom, they put on their tights and leotard and wrap their hair neatly in a bun. They warm up doing pleas, grand jetes, and foutees en tournant in a mirrored room. They metally prepare for the moment theyve been waiting for, the moment theyve been practicing for hours on end. They walk onto the stage as a basketball player would walk onto the court: with a racing heart and confidence.
The game starts as soon as the music starts. The athlete moves with the music and gives their all for the win. As the dance progresses, their energy lowers and the adrenaline is slowing. The dancer sees the trophy in their future and that pumps gallons of blood and energy, and new life, and excitement into their body again and the last minute of the game is the most exciting,the most energetic and the most rewarding.When the game is over, when the athlete knows their practices payed off, when they have that win, it is the happiest moment a dancer can have. A dancer is an athlete. They practice, they compete, they win, they lose, they stretch, they endure, they love what they do. They dance the same way soccer players weave the ball between their feet. Dance is a sport.
Joy - I'm not sure why my comments for this paper didn't post...I know they were on here a few days ago. I've posted them again below:
Dancers spend hours perfecting a single move. They wrap their tired, bloody toes before they slide their feet into ballet pink tights. Dancers move gracefully in pointe shoes and keep a calm face as their toes wither in pain as the hard boxes of the shoes press against their toes and cause blisters and bruised toenails. Anyone who says dancing is not a sport obviously has never felt the endurance, the rush, the pain, the joy, the accomplishments of dancing. What arguments do people use when they say “dancing is not a sport”? Does someone arguing that “dancing is not a sport” always mean they haven’t experienced dancing? Can a dancer believe dancing should not be considered a sport? Why or why not? Like any other sport, dancers have a team, if one dancer in your class does not put in the same effort as another dancer, the team suffers by embarrassing themselves at a recital, or losing at a competition, the same way a soccer team losses their game if their goalie isnt paying attention, or a football team only has one good player, but the rest of the the the team cant defend him. Are you trying that say that a commonality between dance and other sports is the aspect of belonging to a team? Dance is a sport, regardless if it is recognized as one or not.
Dancers work out, have practices, stretch, have uniforms and routines just as ay other sport does. As a tennis team prepares for a match by packing their rackets, stretching their arms, and hitting tennis balls across the court, dancers stretch their lean muscles farther than most minds can fathom, they put on their tights and leotard and wrap their hair neatly in a bun. They warm up doing pleas, grand jetes, and foutees en tournant in a mirrored room. They metally prepare for the moment theyve been waiting for, the moment theyve been practicing for hours on end. They walk onto the stage as a basketball player would walk onto the court: with a racing heart and confidence. I think it might make your argument more persuasive if you could address how having an opponent affects what is seen as a sport. When “a basketball player…[walks] onto the court,” they are going to face an opposing team. How does this differ for a dancer “[walking] onto the stage…”?
The game starts as soon as the music starts. The athlete moves with the music and gives their all for the win. As the dance progresses, their energy lowers and the adrenaline is slowing. [The dancer sees the trophy in their future and that pumps gallons of blood and energy, and new life, and excitement into their body again and the last minute of the game is the most exciting,the most energetic and the most rewarding.] I found this sentence confusing. Does the prospect of getting a trophy enhance performance? When the game is over, when the athlete knows their practices payed off, when they have that win, it is the happiest moment a dancer can have. How is winning a dance competition different from winning a basketball game? A dancer is an athlete. They practice, they compete, they win, they lose, they stretch, they endure, they love what they do. They dance the same way soccer players weave the ball between their feet. Dance is a sport.
I think you provide a really strong description of what it means to be a dancer. I think your argument would be more persuasive if you are able to engage the argument that dancing is not a sport. First, you will need to fully explain what statements people make to defend the position that dancing is not a sport. Then, using your arguments for why dancing IS a sport, you will be able to point out flaws in their claims.
Revision Argument (posted RHS April 13 -- 171 April 15)
So Ive been thinking a lot about changing my statement lately. A friend of mine took his life this weekened and he was a part of my church choir. Its made me cry, think, love, hate, and cry some more. It's been an emotional past couple of days, but maybe these are the best days to write, to create a well thought out, emotional, and persuasive argument. It's nothing like my old one, so if you think my old one is better Ill revise that instead. Sorry for being so late on this, like I said. It's been a rough couple of days. Hope to hear from you soon.
High school is a time of change. Emotions and hormones run minds, and it's a time to find who you really are, and who you want to become as you grow to be a responsible adult. In high school, you grow a couple inches or so, you may start to find hair on your face, under your armpits and you find yourself looking older, more filled out everyday. You experience prom, maybe your first love, your first letter grades that count, you decide what you really care about. You make friends you may keep your whole life, you make enemies. You see more pain, drama, love, trust, back stabbing, laughter and stress in high school than you will your whole life. All of these thing you experience in high school, and it sounds like a great rollercoaster of youth. That may be the cause for some, but for others, high school and life in general is a living hell. Bullying is so common in high school now adays people claim, "it's just part of growing up. It'll get better. I promise." But what they dont realize, is those students are going through all of this stress, hate, back-stabbing, pain during the most influential part of thier lifes. High school days shape and effect who a person can become. Two Iowa high school students committed suicide this past weekend. One, I knew, the other I didnt. My friend kept so much weight on his shoulders. He joked with his friends and played all of the "harmless" jokes off, like it was nothing. He had a great, unbreakable facade that he wore every single day. Keeping that facade and dealing with high school life was too much. Late sunday night, he took his life in his room with his dad's gun. BUT. This may have been prevented. What if everyone of us who has seen him that morning at choir had told him that he was loved, and appriciated and that his smile brought this great joy to all of us, would that has made a difference? What if he had told someone, that he was depressed and suicidal? Would he of accepted help? Or would his friends tease him for a small chemical imbalance in his brain that could have been treated with medecine and therapy? We'll never know. Our choir is left in a state of emptiness and sadness, with prayers and kleenex always around, we try to cope with the loss of a good friend. Another high schooler in small town Iowa took his own life this weekend, because he felt death was better than living the way he was. His family told the press and Iowa Pride Network that he felt alone and depressed because he was bullied for being gay at school. Coming out as gay to a conservative, small town is tough enough. He was ridiculed, and teased every day by students he had grown up with and he was surrounded by hate. He felt that death was peaceful, and a great weight would be relieved from his shoulders and that he couldnt live through high school to see what he could become. My friend and the small town boy will never experience prom. They will never ween thier babies open thier eyes for the first time. They will never walk across the stage to graduate high school. They will never go play beer pong at a frat party and get up early to take exams in college. They will never have thier first real jobs. They will never be able to grow up. They will forever be remembered as a friend from high school that took thei life. They left those who knew them memories and an emptiness in their hearts. Bullying is never okay. NEVER. Depression is a treatable chemical imbalance in the brain, and with time and person can feel much better with support and a good therepist. But a mind is tricky to play with, and without support a person can find themsleves trapped with no way out. Bullying is not support, it's hate. It is bringing people down. It is making the victim feel worthless and alone. It makes people want to run away from their lifes. It makes people want to take thier lives.Bullying is too commoon in high school, I am a high school student and I hear comments every single day pointed toward certian races, sexuality, socio-economic classes, etc. I hear people calling people fags, niggers, carpet munchers, beaners, towel heads. I hear jokes about Hitler killing jews, how many Mexicans can fit into a car or a small space, I hear people calling out other people for absolutley no reason, but to embarrass them. Bullying is evident everywhere I go at Roosevelt High School, it was evident at Goodrell middle school, and it is obvious that it takes place everywhere in school settings everywhere in the world. According to the National Conference of State Legislators, almost 20% of kids have seriously thought of suicide. 15% of those have actually made plans to kill themselves. Suicide is the fourth leading cause of death in teenagers and bullying and depression have a huge part of suicide. Schools need to take bullying seriously and stop the comments as soon as they are made, whether they are serious or not. Students need to understand the graveness of bullying and the effects may be as severe as death. We, as a society need to be better about watching what we say to people, and saying every once in a while to the people we know, "I love you and you mean a lot to the people you're around everyday. You have impacted my life and made a difference and I wanted you to know that". Maybe, if we as a whole, did those small things everyday, 36,000 people would be alive everyyear instead of taking their own lives. My friend may have died, but he didnt die in vain, because maybe out of his death, the word may spread that bullying is never okay, that it may lead to depression, self harm, and even suicide. Both Carson and Kenneth may have experienced prom, graduated, had kids, got a job, bought a house. Without bullying, they may have LIVED.
Hi Joy! I appreciate you seeking my advice. It’s clear that your writing has, in some way, helped you work through some tough emotional issues. I would definitely recommend using writing the way you think you should or need to at this time. I think you were headed in the right direction with your dance essay. The main suggestion for improvement with that essay at this point in time is addressing differing opinions about the role of dance as a sport. I don’t think it would be out of line to ask Mr. Johnson for more time, if that’s what you think might help. If you are interested in continuing with this second essay, I would recommend that you try to balance your anger and pain to focus more on why people bully, the consequences for bullies and those they bully, and what you think the school system should do to counter such behavior. I think there is a way for your to keep your personal story, but also make it applicable to others so that they can understand the persuasiveness of your argument/cause.
Please let me know what you decide to do and how I can help support you!
~Molly
Final Argument (posted RHS April 20 -- 171 April 23)
Dancers spend hours perfecting a single move. They wrap their tired, bloody toes before they slide their feet into ballet pink tights. Dancers move gracefully in pointe shoes and keep a calm face as their toes wither in pain as the hard boxes of the shoes press against their toes and cause blisters and bruised toenails. Do you think physical pain (“blisters and bruised toenails”) is a necessary component of a sport? Anyone who says dancing is not a sport obviously has never felt the endurance, the rush, the pain, the joy, and the accomplishments of dancing. Do all dancers believe dancing is a sport? I’m still curious about this. Like any other sport, dancers have a team, if one dancer in your class does not put in the same effort as another dancer, the team suffers by embarrassing themselves at a recital, or losing at a competition, the same way a soccer team losses their game if their goalie isn’t paying attention, or a football team only has one good player, but the rest of the team can’t defend him. Your team is your family, and so are your co dancers. You spend the day warming up with them, sweating with them, falling with them, laughing with them, sharing your passion with them. You dance with your team, you play soccer with your team. Dancers work as hard, if not harder than most sports players, by spending all day dancing vigorously in painful pointe shoes and often times don’t leave the studio until the darkness hours of the night, with their toes bruised and bleeding. Aren’t there types of dance that don’t involve a team? Should these individual dancers still be recognized as athletes? Dance is a sport, regardless if it is recognized as one or not. I think this might be a good place to identify the specific arguments for why dance is not a sport: ex. dance is a performing art, dance is scored subjectively to the opinions of a judge. What exactly is the definition of a sport? How does this definition support or challenge your argument?
Dancers work out, have practices, stretch, have uniforms and routines just as any other sport does. As a tennis team prepares for a match by packing their rackets, stretching their arms, and hitting tennis balls across the court, dancers stretch their lean muscles farther than most minds can fathom, they put on their tights and leotard and wrap their hair neatly in a bun. They warm up doing pleas, grand jetes, and foutees en tournant in a mirrored room. They mentally prepare for the moment they’ve been waiting for, the moment they’ve been practicing for hours on end. I think you do a great job here providing specific examples of similarities between dancers and other athletes. They walk onto the stage as a basketball player would walk onto the court: with a racing heart and confidence. The basketball player see’s their challenge: beating the opponent, the dancer sees the talented ingénue, fresh faced and graceful, dancing her way to the top, trying to take the prima’s spot. A dancer must work to raise to the prima position, but they must work even harder to stay on top. True dancers are never fully satisfied in their work, because they always strive for better. I think you are trying to say that the competition in dance is individualized and competition in other sports is among teams. This could be a valuable time to identify sports that do not always involve a team, such as tennis. Using this kind of example could help you identify more ways in which dance mirrors activities that are recognized as sports by all individuals. Some say traditional athletes think that way as well. Athletes set goals, and when they achieve their goal, they strive for a higher goal, nothing to them in unreachable. Some skeptics believe dance is not a very completive sport, which is a bunch of “tutus and pink leotards waltzing around for fun”. Those skeptics are so wrong. In the Juilliard Dance School alone, they only accept 12 women and 12 men out of the thousands upon thousands that apply to attend the prestigious college. Not one person can argue and say that is not competitive. This could be another area to expand upon another comparison between the two. Both dance and more traditional sports teams are valued in the college setting. Athletes often receive funding (through the form of scholarships) within these settings.
The game starts as soon as the music starts. The athlete moves with the music and gives their all for the win. As the dance progresses, their energy lowers and the adrenaline is slowing. The dancer sees the trophy in their future and that pumps gallons of blood and energy, and new life, and excitement into their body again and the last minute of the game is the most exciting,the most energetic and the most rewarding. Knowing they have this once chance to prove themselves, that this is their judgment day, dancers give everything to the stage on the day of their performance. When the game is over, when the athlete knows their practices paid off, when they have that win, it is the happiest moment an athlete can have. A dancer is an athlete. They feel that happiness at the end of routine, they know what they have done to make that routine the best it can be, and that’s the greatest joy a dancer can experience. Dancers may be proud of that one moment, but as soon as their head is back in the game, they find themselves choreographing in their heads, setting higher standards, and wanting to dance harder than before, just as athletes do after a game. Dancers are absolutely, without a doubt an athlete. They practice, they compete, they win, they lose, they stretch, they endure, they love what they do. They dance the same way soccer players weave the ball between their feet. Dance is a sport. I think this ending definitely showed that you tried to relate the features of dance with other sports. The similarities you point out (“they practice, they compete, they win, they lose”) provide a compelling final argument that dance should be considered a sport.
Joy,
I know you are going through a rough time right now and I think by choosing to further explore this paper, you were able to reach a much more finalized state of your argument. I would encourage you to keep writing about your feelings about bullying and how suicide has affected you. Please let me know if you have any questions about any of my comments. I think, overall, my main suggestion is to continue to engage the argument that dance is not a sport.
~Molly
Reflection #3 (posted RHS April 23)
I did a lot of self emotion in this piece, and I believe being able to speak my opinions about dancing really helped me out when I didn't know exactly that to say. Also. Writing about what happened to my friend really helped me out in a dark time when I wasn't sure what to say to anyone. My final piece I thought created points that people couldn't disagree with an it effectively created a Argument. Thanks for all your help. I really appreciate it!
Joy.
I'm really glad you were able to use your writing to help cope with your feelings and emotions. I agree that your argument is effective. I've really enjoyed working with you! :)
Hey Molly!
As you've already learned, my name is Joy. I'm a junior at Roosevelt High School and Central Academy/Campus. I take so many classes that interest me such as College Commercial Photography II and Honors Chem-Phys. I'm heavily involved with my high school such as being the outreach coordinator and future president of Roosevelt's Gay Straight Alliance, being in varsity One Act and varsity Musical Theatre for IHSSA, being on the Co-Ed and Riderettes Girls Dance Team, Chamber Choir member, National Honor Society member, and I was a Varsity and JV Cheerleader my freshman year. I'm an active thespian, dancer, and singer throughout the school, but Outside of the school is where I put most of my time. I teach ballet to 3-4 year olds, 1&2 graders, and 5 graders at the studio I dance at. I've been an assistant teacher since I was in 8th grade and I love it. The feeling you get when those kids dance at the recital with all the moves and techniques you have taught them is like no other feeling in the world. Other than teaching at the studio, Im heavily involved with my own classes. I take senior tap, ballet, pointe, and lyrical. I love ballet the most. It may be the most difficult, but it takes so much technique and so much grace I have the greatest respect for ballerinas. Someday I hope to even resemble those on a professional level. Though dance is my passion, I want to major in Biology. I hope to attend Northwestern University in Evanston, IL and go on to Boston University for medical school.
Writing for me, is a chore. I mean, when I get in the hang of it it's not to terrible, but I'd rather be doing something else. I think I'm a decent writer when I put my mind to it. I may understand English better than other subjects (says my ITBS and ITEDS scores), but I enjoy it less than science. Writing and English comes more naturally to me when I'm explaining a topic I have insight to, or a topic that I'm particularly interested in. But, I assume that is the case with most people, unless they enjoy reading about completely foreign subjects. I can rant about ballet, politics, and my future. When I write I can find myself getting in this mode similar to a hot dog grinder. A ton of different ideas, and thoughts all chopped and ground together to make one big article of writing. I need to work on become more organized not only with my thoughts, but with my wiriting, so it can be more structured.
I hope you can help me with my writing and I'm looking forward to work with you:)
-Joy.
Hi Joy!
My name is Molly and I am a junior English and Psychology double major at Drake! I am very involved in school activities! I am president of Drake's co-ed service fraternity, Alpha Phi Omega. We volunteer at many fun service opportunities around the Des Moines community - Night Eyes at the Blank Park Zoo, Living History Farms, the science center, and more! I also serve on the Honors Student Council as the Curriculum Committee Chair. I work around 20 hours per week at the Student Life Center as a manager. I have a twin brother named Mark who attends Washington University in St. Louis. He has never really been a fan of writing and reading. He's more interested in computers and environmental science.
I sometimes find that it's hard to get into the writing mode. It always seems to go that when I have inspiration to write, I don't have time to write. When I have time to write, I am never particularly inspired. One thing that helps me is to start writing assignments way before they are due. By doing this, I allow myself to brainstorm and test out a couple of topics before I actually delve into my rough draft. Otherwise, if I wait until the last minute, I don't have the opportunity to choose my favorite idea for the paper and I waste way more time trying to write about topics that don't interest me. I also like to have my rough draft finished a day or two before I have to turn in the assignment. Sometimes even finishing a paper right before I go to bed and then looking at it again in the morning can be helpful. I find that once I haven't looked at a paper in a while, I start to notice where my arguments seem weak and find sentences that clearly don't make any sense.
I personally believe that writing is a form of self-expression. Yes, there are rules that need to be followed. Ultimately, though, I think if you are proud of your writing and feel as though you successfully articulated your thoughts in written form to the best of your ability, you are a strong writer. Grammar and spelling can be taught - creativity is something more natural :)
I am really excited to work with you! I will be sure to focus on anything you feel you are struggling with. I hope you had a fantastic weekend!!
~Molly
Personal Reflection on Topic of Inquiry (posted RHS January 27 -- 171 January 29)
Expression is a daily routine whether people realize it or not. Humans express themselves through fashion, makeup, art, writing, and so many other forms. Conformity is such a huge part of society and people of all ages are pressured to conform to the norms of modern day culture. We, as a society, are talked at everyday to morph ourselves into a thinner, more beautiful, more perfect versions of what we already are. When I was in middle school, Hollister brand and Abercrombie were the top places to shop, and if you didn't have your wardrobe decked out in Hol. Co, or A&F, you weren't up to standards. It may seem shallow, but every person in this world can admit to dealing with the heavy weight of peer pressure. It's easy to conform and mold to what society expects of you, but it's difficult to express yourself truly. The media publishes articles about how to dress and how to look and almost commands people to become a certain way, or you make become the next victim of the "Fashion Police". Above everything else, I respect those who can be themselves. I respect those who can create a price of artwork with their clothes everyday, and wear what they do in an unexpected manner. I respect those people out of the norm, who are criticized for something that may be in fashion a year from now. I choose to express myself through my daily routines, I am who I am because of them. I dress myself, not to please other people, but so when I take a peek in the mirror at my outfit I have nothing but positive things to think. I style my hair everyday according to the mood I'm feeling; I may just put the mess of locks in a high bun if I'm feeling lazy, but I may feel motivated and proactive so I might try a new hairstyle that requires a little extra effort. I persevere in school and do my best, because I want the best for my future and I don't care if someone calls me a nerd because of it. I dance everyday because I can express all my excess emotions through dance. With each step and each move dancers convey emotion and expression. They dance because they love it, not because people tell them to. I dress, dance, style, speak, breathe, live the way I do because it is part of my being. It is who I am, and to lose that to the great sea of society would be the worst fate you could endure.
Joy,
It sounds as though you recognize peer pressure’s affect on yourself and your peers, although believe your sense of self and self-expression reflect your unique passions. You claim that you value defining yourself with multiple areas of your life: your clothes, your hair, your academic attitude, and your dancing. Would you say that a struggle to overcome peer pressure has defined you? What do you think helped you make the transition from feeling confined by peer pressure to recognizing your respect for “those who can create a piece of artwork with their clothes everyday, and wear what they do in an unexpected manner”? In what ways do people question your choices of self-expression, and how do you deal with that criticism? Your reflection suggests that you see peer pressure and the pressures of media as negative influences on the world. Can you think of ways in which this type of pressure has impacted the world in a positive way?
I really respect your confidence! The ability to articulate your beliefs and passions, as you do in this essay, is a great skill for writing. Even though you mention that, “writing, for me is a chore,” in your introduction letter, maybe approaching your writing with the same desire to insert yourself into the culture can make writing seem more exciting.
One suggestion I would offer in terms of this particular assignment is to be sure and read the writing prompt a few times before you begin writing. Although your response describes your personal philosophy, you did not directly address aspects such as ending the narrative “with a question about your chosen topic of inquiry” or the specific “events in life that have defined you” and influenced your notion of creativity. Spell-check wouldn’t be a horrible idea, either ;)
I look forward to reading and responding to more of your writing! Hang in there!
~Molly
Rough Draft Definition (posted RHS February 3 -- 171 February 5)
Passion. Defined by merriamwebste, it is "a strong liking or desire for or devotion to some activity object or concept.
Can passion be described in words? Everyone has felt it in their lives, It's strong, compelling, magnetic characteristics overwhelm us in a whirlwind of emotion. Passion Is that feeling you get in your gut that draws you toward an obect, activity or person. It is a great emotion that is as powerful, but not the same, as love and infatuation. I feel passion when I dance. I feel unimaginably content, optimistic, curious, accomplished, never bored, and devoted when I dance. If dance was not my passion, it would not feel so many things at once. Your passion defines who you are. If your passion is photography, you may carry around a Canon EOS Rebel T3i around your neck, always thinking of capturing street life around you into a piece of art. Your life may be completely revolved around your passion, because unlike everything else, your passion never bores you, it never disappoints, and it will always find a way to touch you. But, passion may cause terrible destruction. The word passion, in it's greek roots, directly means to suffer. In Hamlet, passion ultimately caused death and tragedy. If you love something so much, if it is your passion, you're willing to give your all to it, and ultimately your life in some cases.
(Im stuck here. ) HELP?!
Passion. Defined by merriamwebste, it is "a strong liking or desire for or devotion to some activity object or concept. Can passion be described in words? What makes it difficult to define passion? Everyone has felt it in their lives, It's strong, compelling, magnetic characteristics overwhelm us in a whirlwind of emotion. Passion Is that feeling you get in your gut that draws you toward an obect, activity or person. It seems like this is your definition of passion – good job creating a clear and basic definition. It is a great emotion that is as powerful, but not the same, as love and infatuation. What makes passion different from love and infatuation? I feel passion when I dance. Did you know dance would be your passion when you first started dancing? Is passion something you develop, or something you feel the first time you do something? I feel unimaginably content, optimistic, curious, accomplished, never bored, and devoted when I dance. If dance was not my passion, it would not feel so many things at once. Your passion defines who you are. Can you have more than one passion? If your passion is photography, you may carry around a Canon EOS Rebel T3i around your neck, always thinking of capturing street life around you into a piece of art. Your life may be completely revolved around your passion, because unlike everything else, your passion never bores you, it never disappoints, and it will always find a way to touch you. But, passion may cause terrible destruction. The word passion, in it's greek roots, directly means to suffer. Where did this information come from? In Hamlet, passion ultimately caused death and tragedy. Pretend your reader has not read Hamlet – how does passion cause “death and tragedy”? If you love something so much, if it is your passion, you're willing to give your all to it, and ultimately your life in some cases. Does this mean passion can be a bad thing to have? Maybe you can explore cases in which passion can be harmful? Do you ever feel as though your passion for dance has been negative in any way?
(Im stuck here. ) HELP?!
Joy,
I think you’re on the right track in terms of explaining what passion means. You identify the term being defined, present a clear and basic definition, and use a few examples to explain the word. You are addressing the main parts of the assignment, which is the foundation for any good paper! One thing that might help you create a stronger argument is to think about definitions of passion that might be different from your own. You might be able to use these ideas to help make your definition more unique. I’ve added some other questions throughout your paper to help you think about other things you can add.
Please let me know if you have any questions!
~Molly
Revision Definition (posted RHS February 10 -- 171 February 12 )
Passion. Defined by Merriam Webster Dictionary, it is "a strong liking or desire for or devotion to some activity object or concept.
Can passion be described in words? Everyone has felt it in their lives, its strong, compelling, magnetic characteristics overwhelm us in a whirlwind of emotion. Passion is that feeling you get in your gut that draws you toward an object, activity or person. It is a great emotion that is as powerful, but not the same, as love and infatuation. Love is trust and attraction and is magnetic. Infatuation is similar to love, but in a more obsessive compulsive manner. Passion is more of an interest, a specific idea you're never bored with. It may be a overwhelming feeling when you participate in a certain activity. For example, I feel passion when I dance. I feel unimaginably content, optimistic, curious, accomplished, never bored, and devoted when I dance. If dance was not my passion, I would not feel so many things at once. Your passion defines who you are. If your passion is photography, you may carry around a Canon EOS Rebel T3i around your neck, always thinking of capturing street life around you and creating it into a piece of art. Your life may be completely revolved around your passion, because unlike everything else, your passion never bores you, it never disappoints, and it will always find a way to touch you. But, passion may cause terrible destruction. According to answers.com and wikipedia.com , the word passion, in it's greek roots, directly means to suffer. In Hamlet, passion ultimately caused death and tragedy. If you love something so much, if it is your passion, you're willing to give your all to it, and ultimately your life in some cases. I would do anything to fulfill my dream and dance on the stage with the Paris Opera Ballet Company. I would go at any measure or a great feat to live up to that dream. Because I know I will never be able to make a profession out of my dancing because of my height, my training and other factors, it kills me inside to know that I will not be able to continue with my passion for the rest of my life as I am now in high school. Knowing this, I have no doubt in my mind tears and a great weight of sadness will lay on my platter tutu during my last solo of my senior recital. Passion is what driving my daily life. I teach ballet just to see those little girls in pink tutus, in bright lights and all the glamour, dancing what I taught them. Seeing them love dance as I do fills my whole self with unexplainable happiness. I feel so many things when I dance, it has to me more than my hobby, it is my passion.
Joy,
I think you did a great job trying to incorporate my previous comments. I think the main goal now is to try and move around some sentences so that your ideas seem more connected.
I hope my comments will help with this!
~Molly
Passion. Defined by Merriam Webster Dictionary, it is "a strong liking or desire for or devotion to some activity object or concept.
Can passion be described in words? Everyone has felt it in their lives, its strong, compelling, magnetic characteristics overwhelm us in a whirlwind of emotion. Passion is that feeling you get in your gut that draws you toward an object, activity or person. It is a great emotion that is as powerful, but not the same, as love and infatuation. Love is trust and attraction and is magnetic. Infatuation is similar to love, but in a more obsessive compulsive manner. Passion is more of an interest, a specific idea you're never bored with. It may be a overwhelming feeling when you participate in a certain activity. For example, I feel passion when I dance. I feel unimaginably content, optimistic, curious, accomplished, never bored, and devoted when I dance. If dance was not my passion, I would not feel so many things at once. Your passion defines who you are. Are you using photography as another example of something you are passionate about? If not, maybe you can consider taking this part out. If your passion is photography, you may carry around a Canon EOS Rebel T3i around your neck, always thinking of capturing street life around you and creating it into a piece of art. Your life may be completely revolved around your passion, because unlike everything else, your passion never bores you, it never disappoints, and it will always find a way to touch you. But, passion may cause terrible destruction. According to answers.com and wikipedia.com , the word passion, in it's greek roots, directly means to suffer. In Hamlet, passion ultimately caused death and tragedy. I think you have a stronger example of a way in which passion causes suffering by your example of feeling sad about your future dance plans. If you love something so much, if it is your passion, you're willing to give your all to it, and ultimately your life in some cases. I would do anything to fulfill my dream and dance on the stage with the Paris Opera Ballet Company. I would go at any measure or a great feat to live up to that dream. Because I know I will never be able to make a profession out of my dancing because of my height, my training and other factors, it kills me inside to know that I will not be able to continue with my passion for the rest of my life as I am now in high school. How has the knowledge that you “will never be able to make a profession out of” your dancing change your passion? Knowing this, I have no doubt in my mind tears and a great weight of sadness will lay on my platter tutu during my last solo of my senior recital. Passion is what driving my daily life. I teach ballet just to see those little girls in pink tutus, in bright lights and all the glamour, dancing what I taught them. How is your passion for teaching dance different from your passion for dancing? Seeing them love dance as I do fills my whole self with unexplainable happiness. I feel so many things when I dance, it has to me more than my hobby, it is my passion.
Make sure you read your sentences out loud! Doing so will help you catch grammar mistakes and incomplete sentences. Great work, Joy!
Final Definition (posted RHS February 17 -- 171 February 19 )
Passion. Defined by Merriam Webster Dictionary, it is "a strong liking or desire for or devotion to some activity object or concept.”
Can passion be described in words? Everyone has felt it in their lives; its strong, compelling, magnetic characteristics overwhelm us in a whirlwind of emotion. Passion is that feeling you get in your gut that draws you toward an object, activity, or person. It is a great emotion that is as powerful, but not the same, as love and infatuation. Love is trust and attraction and is magnetic. Infatuation is similar to love, but in a more obsessive, compulsive manner. Passion is more of an interest, a specific idea you're never bored with. It may be an overwhelming feeling when you participate in a certain activity. For example, I feel passion when I dance. I feel unimaginably content, optimistic, curious, accomplished, never bored, and devoted when I dance. If dance was not my passion, I would not feel so many things at once.
Your passion defines who you are. If your passion is photography, you may carry around a Canon EOS Rebel T3i around your neck, always thinking of capturing life around you and creating it into a piece of art. Your life may be completely revolved around your passion, because unlike everything else, your passion never bores you, it never disappoints, and it will always find a way to touch you. But, passion may cause terrible destruction. According to answers.com and wikipedia.com , the word passion, in its Greek roots, directly means to suffer. In “Romeo and Juliet” passion ultimately caused death and tragedy. Romeo’s and Juliet’s passion for each other ultimately caused their deaths, because they believed they could not live without each other. The passion and commitment that Martin Luther King Jr. had for the Civil Rights Movement cost him his life. If you love something so much, if it is your passion, you're willing to give your all to it, and ultimately your life in some cases.
I would do anything to fulfill my dream and dance on the stage with the Paris Opera Ballet Company. I would go to any measure to achieve that dream. Then reality checks me. I know it is unlikely that I will ever be able to make a profession out of my dancing because of my height, my training, and other factors. It kills me inside to know that I will not be able to continue with my passion for the rest of my life. Knowing this, I have no doubt in my mind tears and a great weight of sadness will lie on my platter tutu during my last solo of my senior recital. Passion is what drives my daily life. I teach ballet just to see those little girls in pink tutus, in bright lights and all the glamour, dancing what I taught them. Seeing them love dance as I do fills my whole self with unexplainable happiness. I feel so many things when I dance, it has to be more than my hobby; dance is my passion.
Molly- Im SOOOO Sorry! My computer wouldnt let me get on wikispaces last week, and I just got around to getting onto the laptop. I gave my teachers this last monday when it was due. Hope this is okay!
------------------
Can passion be described in words? Everyone has felt it in their lives; its strong, compelling, magnetic characteristics overwhelm us in a whirlwind of emotion. Passion is that feeling you get in your gut that draws you toward an object, activity, or person. It is a great emotion that is as powerful, but not the same, as love and infatuation. Love is trust and attraction and is magnetic. Infatuation is similar to love, but in a more obsessive, compulsive manner. Passion is more of an interest, a specific idea you're never bored with. It may be an overwhelming feeling when you participate in a certain activity. I still feel like this first part is a little incomplete. Maybe if you described what “that feeling you get in your gut” is like, or if you were able to provide specific examples of something that you love, or something that you are infatuated with, you might be able to move away from being vague. For example, I feel passion when I dance. I feel unimaginably content, optimistic, curious, accomplished, never bored, and devoted when I dance. If dance was not my passion, I would not feel so many things at once.
Your passion defines who you are. If your passion is photography, you may carry around a Canon EOS Rebel T3i around your neck, always thinking of capturing life around you and creating it into a piece of art. I know you said you are also passionate about photography, but I think this example might have been more effective if you were able to explain more fully how this art form produces passion in your life. Your life may be completely revolved around your passion, because unlike everything else, your passion never bores you, it never disappoints, and it will always find a way to touch you. Does this mean that people are always passionate about the same things their entire lives? But, passion may cause terrible destruction. According to answers.com and wikipedia.com , the word passion, in its Greek roots, directly means to suffer. In “Romeo and Juliet” passion ultimately caused death and tragedy. Romeo’s and Juliet’s passion for each other ultimately caused their deaths, because they believed they could not live without each other. I like that you brought in Romeo and Juliet , rather than Hamlet , because you have actually read it! Again, this example could have been expanded even more. The passion and commitment that Martin Luther King Jr. had for the Civil Rights Movement cost him his life. Did his “passion and commitment” actually “cost him his life”? Or did others’ disagreement with the Civil Rights Movement and his views do this? If you love something so much, if it is your passion, you're willing to give your all to it, and ultimately your life in some cases.
I would do anything to fulfill my dream and dance on the stage with the Paris Opera Ballet Company. I would go to any measure to achieve that dream. Then reality checks me. Does passion always have to defy reality? I know it is unlikely that I will ever be able to make a profession out of my dancing because of my height, my training, and other factors. It kills me inside to know that I will not be able to continue with my passion for the rest of my life. Knowing this, I have no doubt in my mind tears and a great weight of sadness will lie on my platter tutu during my last solo of my senior recital. Passion is what drives my daily life. I teach ballet just to see those little girls in pink tutus, in bright lights and all the glamour, dancing what I taught them. Seeing them love dance as I do fills my whole self with unexplainable happiness. I feel so many things when I dance, it has to be more than my hobby; dance is my passion.
Molly- Im SOOOO Sorry! My computer wouldnt let me get on wikispaces last week, and I just got around to getting onto the laptop. I gave my teachers this last monday when it was due. Hope this is okay!
Hi Joy,
Thanks for posting this! In the future, you’re more than welcome to email me your assignment. My email is molly.wilensky@drake.edu . I think it would benefit both of us for you to turn your work in on time, when possible. I think you made a lot of progress from your first draft because you were able to expand on your personal examples and attempt to clarify how passion differs from love and infatuation. I look forward to continuing working with you J
Reflection #1 (posted RHS February 20 -- 171 February 22)
This assignment was fairly difficult for me. I already have a hard time explaining and defining this in a clear manner, so this assignment really tested me. Also, after I defined passion in the first paragraph, I didn't really know where to go with my paper. I ended up ranting about dancing, and I guess that's a sure sign that dance is my passion, but ranting in an academic essay probably isn't the best, so it took a lot of editing to get this where I wanted. Honestly, I liked the end product and I thought I did my best, because I don't understand what I could change about it more. I just hope it's up to par with Mr. Johnson and mostly Mrs. Lange. Thank you for helping me with it! You brought up a lot of questions I wouldn't of asked myself, because I already knew the answers, but the reader doesn't. Thanks!
Rough Draft Comparison (posted RHS February 24 -- 171 February 26 )
Passion and hate may be opposites, but they may be the same almost.
Passion you have deep feeling towards something, You may love it, you may make it you're hobby, you may make your whole life surround your passion.
Hate is hard to put into words. It's a bursting feeling of loathing that creates an overwhelming feeling of hostility.
Both emotions are strong and smothering. They both make blood rush to the head and cause un-levelheaded decisions.Maybe they can go hand in hand, because you can hate something so much you make it your passion. But you can't hate your passion, because passion is what you love, your passion defines who you are.
Im super stuck. HELP.
Thanks, Joy
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Passion and hate may be opposites, but they may be the same almost. Maybe you can describe an instance in which passion and hate are opposites, but then transform into something similar. I know you have mentioned before, in your definition paper, “I know I will never be able to make a profession out of my dancing because of my height, my training and other factors, it kills me inside to know that I will not be able to continue with my passion for the rest of my life as I am now in high school.” Would you consider this understanding, that you “will not be able to continue with [your] passion…” something that has created a hate for dance? If not, maybe you can think about an instance during your career as a dancer that has caused the emotion of hate.
Passion you have deep feeling towards something, You may love it, you may make it you're hobby, you may make your whole life surround your passion. Can hate be considered a “deep feeling towards something?” If so, is a “deep feeling” of hate any different from a “deep feeling” of passion? In what ways?
Hate is hard to put into words. Why? What makes hate harder to “put into words” than passion? It's a bursting feeling of loathing that creates an overwhelming feeling of hostility. What, in your life, has caused this “bursting feeling of loathing”?
Both emotions are strong and smothering. Here you identify that passion and hate have a similarity: both are emotions. I think this distinction is important to note in your comparison! They both make blood rush to the head and cause un-levelheaded decisions.Maybe they can go hand in hand, because you can hate something so much you make it your passion. How can hate transform into passion? How can passion transform into hate? But you can't hate your passion, because passion is what you love, your passion defines who you are. Can you hate certain parts of your passion? If they go “hand in hand,” then how can your statement that “you can’t hate your passion” be true? This whole paragraph might work well up top, as it expands on your claim that “passion and hate may be opposites.”
Im super stuck. HELP. Hopefully my questions will make you think about different aspects of both passion and hate that you feel comfortable writing about! I think examples from your life would be particularly beneficial for this paper. Maybe re-reading your final definition paper would help!
Thanks, Joy
Revision Comparison (posted RHS March 2 -- 171 March 4)
Passion and hate may be opposites, but they may be the same almost. Your passion fills you with content-ness and interest. Your hate fills you with obsession and loathing, it breeds inside you and consumes you. Hatred is contagious, where passion is personal. Your passion is part of who you are. My passion is dance, it defines me: I am a dancer. I dance 6 days a week, I teach ballet, I live for The small enjoyment I get when I accomplish a difficult step. Hatred, on the other hand can be spread like a virus. Nazi Germany is a perfect example of contagious hatred. Hilter hated the minorities an he spread his hate and caused the biggest genocide the world has ever known.
Passion you have deep feeling towards something, You may love it, you may make it you're hobby, you may make your whole life surround your passion. Hate, can also be a deep feeling. It can be deeper than any pit known to man, it can be surrounding, and consuming.
Hate is hard to put into words. Any emotion is. Every human in the world has felt hate, love, passion, sadness, and happiness. When asked to define hate, I stopped and thought, web have I felt hatred and what did it feel like? It's a bursting feeling of loathing that creates an overwhelming feeling of hostility. I have only felt hatred a few times in my life span, once while I was at a counter protest for the West Burrow Baptist Church, and another when someone tried to justify the repeal of gay marriage. My blood boils when one dehumanizes or belittles another just for being themselves, maybe that makes equal rights another one of my passions. Because I hate people who have no respect for equality, fighting for equality may be a smaller passion of mine next to dancing. When I fight for people who dont have a voice, who are tormented and ridiculed, for people who don't have the same opportunities as I, I feel empowered and strong. I want to crush the hate of others with my want for equality. My passion that defines my daily life is dancing, but my hate for injustice created another passion for me: equality.
Both emotions are strong and smothering. They both make blood rush to the head and cause un-levelheaded decisions.Maybe they can go hand in hand, because you can hate something so much you make it your passion. Both hate and passion define who you are, because those two emotions motivate your actions in your life. Hitlers hate murdered millions of innocent people, it was his passion, it was his drive in life, he wanted power and control and he let his hatred consume him. Jane Goodalls passion for animals has had a significant mark on nature and she has done everything in her power to help the endangered animals in need. Both of these are examples of how one can turn their hate or passion into their lifestyles. They both cause blood to rush, they both are extreme, and they both make people choose the paths of life their going to take. But, it's up to one to decide if hate or passion is going to consume them. I choose my passion, I choose dance, I choose what makes me smile, rather than to choose the hatred that fills me when I see injustice. What one chooses defines the rest of their lives.
Choose wisely.
__
Passion and hate may be opposites, but they may be the same almost. You might want to change the phrase: “they may be the same almost” because this paragraph seems to be distinguishing what you think is the difference between passion and hate. Your passion fills you with content-ness and interest. Your hate fills you with obsession and loathing, it breeds inside you and consumes you. Hatred is contagious, where passion is personal. What happens when you have the same passion as someone else? What makes passion personal? Your passion is part of who you are. My passion is dance, it defines me: I am a dancer. I dance 6 days a week, I teach ballet, I live for The small enjoyment I get when I accomplish a difficult step. Hatred, on the other hand can be spread like a virus. Nazi Germany is a perfect example of contagious hatred. Hilter hated the minorities an he spread his hate and caused the biggest genocide the world has ever known. Can Hitler’s hatred for minorities be considered passion? Are you trying to say that hatred occurs when one person convinces everyone else of their passion, even when that passion has the potential to cause “the biggest genocide the world has ever known”?
Passion you have deep feeling towards something, You may love it, you may make it you're hobby, you may make your whole life surround your passion. Hate, can also be a deep feeling. It can be deeper than any pit known to man, it can be surrounding, and consuming. I think this paragraph begins to show how “they may be the same almost.”
Hate is hard to put into words. Any emotion is. Every human in the world has felt hate, love, passion, sadness, and happiness. { When asked to define hate, I stopped and thought, web have I felt hatred and what did it feel like? } While I think this was a good thought process to help yourself define hate, this sentence seems out of place. It's a bursting feeling of loathing that creates an overwhelming feeling of hostility. I have only felt hatred a few times in my life span, once while I was at a counter protest for the West Burrow Baptist Church, and another when someone tried to justify the repeal of gay marriage. My blood boils when one dehumanizes or belittles another just for being themselves, maybe that makes equal rights another one of my passions. Because I hate people who have no respect for equality, fighting for equality may be a smaller passion of mine next to dancing. When I fight for people who dont have a voice, who are tormented and ridiculed, for people who don't have the same opportunities as I, I feel empowered and strong. I want to crush the hate of others with my want for equality. My passion that defines my daily life is dancing, but my hate for injustice created another passion for me: equality. I think this paragraph does a good job of tying your definitions of hate and passion together.
Both emotions are strong and smothering. They both make blood rush to the head and cause un-levelheaded decisions.Maybe they can go hand in hand, because you can hate something so much you make it your passion. { Both hate and passion define who you are, because those two emotions motivate your actions in your life. } I think this sentence does a great job of showing the effect of hate and passion on one’s life. Hitlers hate murdered millions of innocent people, it was his passion, it was his drive in life, he wanted power and control and he let his hatred consume him. Jane Goodalls passion for animals has had a significant mark on nature and she has done everything in her power to help the endangered animals in need. Both of these are examples of how one can turn their hate or passion into their lifestyles. They both cause blood to rush, they both are extreme, and they both make people choose the paths of life their going to take. But, it's up to one to decide if hate or passion is going to consume them. It seems like you saying people have to “decide if hate or passion is going to consume them” contradicts when you say “Hitlers hate murdered millions of innocent people, it was his passion…” because in your example of Hitler, you find that his hate and passion are related. You might want to work through these conflicting ideas. I choose my passion, I choose dance, I choose what makes me smile, rather than to choose the hatred that fills me when I see injustice. But, if you don’t “choose the hatred,” will that limit you from finding out more of your passions? You say earlier in the paper that “I hate people who have no respect for equality.” How would you have found your passion for protesting and fighting for equality if you didn’t engage with hate? What one chooses defines the rest of their lives.
Choose wisely. I think you might need to re-work these last two sentences. If you are writing a paper based on comparison, it can be confusing to the reader to end with a call for a choice between the two, which focuses on the differences, rather than similarities, between the two emotions.
Final Comparison (posted RHS March 9 -- 171 March 11)
Heres a copy with a few small grammar changes!
Joy Dannelly
AP Lang & Comp.
11 March 2012
Compare & Contrast Essay
Emotions help define who you are. If you act cheerful, you are describes as joyous and optimistic, if you act sinical and gloomy, you may have a reputation of being pessimistic. Your actions are dependent on your feelings. If you are passionate about something, for an example, dance, you can spend hours on end watching a ballet, and listening to music choreographing in your head. If you are hateful towards something, your mind can turn twisted and imagine terrible fates for the one you hate. A person usually promotes general well being with their passion. What do you mean by “general well being”? What happens when passion becomes harmful? I, for example teach young kids ballet, tap, and tumbling because dance is my passion and it brings great joy to me when I see other kids loving dance as much I as do. Hate, on the other hand, promotes danger and hostility. One may bring pain and death to a subject they hate, like the Columbine murders, the shooters were full of hate towards the students and wanted to being ultimate suffering to those who they loathed. Passion and hate may be similar because they are both emotions, but they are very different when someone lets them affect their actions. In what other ways are hate and passion similar? Can’t passion also “promote danger and hostility?” I think you could work more with the similarities between the two.
Passion and hate may be opposites. Your passion fills you with content-ness and interest. Your hate fills you with obsession and loathing, it breeds inside you and consumes you. Hatred is contagious, where passion is personal. In what ways can passion be “contagious”? Your passion is part of who you are. My passion is dance, it defines me: I am a dancer. I dance 6 days a week, I teach ballet, I live for the small enjoyment I get when I accomplish a difficult step. Hatred, on the other hand can be spread like a virus. Can’t passion also be “spread like a virus”? Nazi Germany is a perfect example of contagious hatred. Hilter hated the minorities and he spread his hate and caused the biggest genocide the world has ever known. Hate grows and eventually becomes a black hole where you lose yourself and your true self may never be found again. Again, I think you need to address how passion might also fit your description of hate as a “black hole where you lose yourself…”
Passion you have deep feeling towards something, you may love it, you may make it you're hobby, you may make your whole life surround your passion. Hate, can also be a deep feeling. It can be deeper than any pit known to man, it can be surrounding, and consuming. Both of these emotions smother you in so much feeling, you can lose rationalization and level-headness. I think identifying both as producing a “deep feeling ” helps connect the two in comparison. I lose myself to my dancing sometimes and dance on pointe until my toes turn white and bruised, I stop thinking about time and where I need to be and what I need to be doing because I am dancing. Nothing matter more in the world than when I’m alone in the studio working on my solo. I have found myself lost in my dancing many times, but I have only found myself lost in hatred very few times. You may lose yourself to these emotions, for they both have a strong grasp over someone. Can you describe a time in which you hated dance?
Hate is hard to put into words. Any emotion is. Every human in the world has felt hate, love, passion, sadness, and happiness. Love and hate are so difficult to define because they are emotions that are thrown arounf a lot by society. How does love fit in with passion? When a child says to their mother “I hate you”, because they didn’t get the new Barbie they wanted, they don’t truly comprehend the meaning of hate. Why not? What emotion are they actually experiencing? When asked to define hate, I stopped and thought, when have I truly felt hatred, and what did it feel like? It's a bursting feeling of loathing that creates an overwhelming feeling of hostility. I have only felt hatred a few times in my life span, once while I was at a counter protest for the West Burrow Baptist Church, and another when someone tried to justify the repeal of gay marriage. My blood boils when one dehumanizes or belittles another just for being themselves, maybe that makes equal rights another one of my passions. I think this part is confusing because you are in the middle of defining hate, but you also talk about how “equal rights [is] another one of [your] passions.” Because I hate people who have no respect for equality, fighting for equality may be a smaller passion of mine next to dancing. In this case, how can you distinguish between hate and passion? What is the difference between “[hating] people who have no respect for equality” and “fighting for equality”? Seeing those people from WBBC, holding signs and degrading people by public humiliation, hearing the names they yelled at the gays, jews, etc., seeing a 8year old boy holding a sign that read “GOD HATES FAGS” on his birthday, all those things made me full of disgust, shame, fury, hate. I needed to counteract those people who turned my religion against the people I fought for. Those people made my hand clench and my muscles tight when they “spoke for God”. I grew up learning God loves everyone, no matter race, no matter sexual orientation, age, socio-economic status, background, no matter what. And when those neo-nazi West Burrow Baptist members tyied to speak for the God I had understand to be forgiving and loving, when they tried to turn God into a hateful, punishing, judgmental dictator, something in me snapped. I felt more hate inside me than I had ever before. I chose to turn my hate into a passion, I chose to fight against those who dehumanize others and degrade others. How did you “turn [your] hate into a passion?” This might be a good place for you to describe how hate and passion are different, and where they merge into similarity. When I fight for people who dont have a voice, who are tormented and ridiculed, for people who don't have the same opportunities as I, I feel empowered and strong. I want to crush the hate of others with my want for equality. My passion that defines my daily life is dancing, but my hate for injustice created another passion for me: equality. I think you do a good job here of explaining how hate can produce passion.
Both emotions are strong and smothering. They both make blood rush to the head and cause un-levelheaded decisions. Maybe they can go hand in hand, because you can hate something so much you make it your passion. Both hate and passion define who you are, because those two emotions motivate your actions in your life. Hitlers hate murdered millions of innocent people, it was his passion, it was his drive in life, he wanted power and control and he let his hatred consume him. Jane Goodalls passion for animals has had a significant mark on nature and she has done everything in her power to help the endangered animals in need. Both of these are examples of how one can turn their hate or passion into their lifestyles. They both cause blood to rush, they both are extreme, and they both make people choose the paths of life their going to take. But, it's up to one to decide if hate or passion is going to consume them. Do people always have the ability to choose whether “hate or passion is going to consume them?” I choose my passion, I choose dance, I choose what makes me smile, rather than to choose the hatred that fills me when I see injustice. What one chooses defines the rest of their lives, whether you make hate or passion your driving force. It sounds like you are saying that passion can result in action against hate. This might be one clearer way to describe the relationship between the two.
Joy,
I think you definitely developed your paper a lot since your first draft. I think a focus for you, in the future, would be to make an outline of what you want to say. The structure of your paper is somewhat confusing because you keep jumping between talking about passion and hate separately, talking about their similarities, and talking about their differences. In separating these main areas of your paper, you might be able to more clearly differentiate between the two definitions of passion and hate.
Also, make sure you spell-check and read sentences out loud. Some of the confusion about what you were trying to say came from run-on sentences.
~Molly
Reflection #2 (RHS March 16 -- 171 March 25)
Hey! Sorry about the delay, I switched classes and have been trying to get my new schedule under my belt! Even though Ill be in a different class, Ill still be collaborating with you:) I thought I did really well on this essay because it really expresses my feelings about the differences of hate and passion in my life and how they interact. The essay clearly explains the similarities and differences of hate and passion. I think I could have organized it a little better, but I tried following the point by point structure by saying one point about hate, then about passion, then about hate, then about passion, and then similarities and so on. I really started from scratch in this essay, because I hate no idea what to compare passion to, and then when asked to describe hate, it really took me a minute to sit back and think for a little bit and wrap my mind around the idea, the feeling, and the effects of hate, and find a way to weave that into my previous topic, passion.Thank you for helping me on it!
Rough Draft Argument (posted RHS April 6 -- 171 April 8)
,
Dancers spend hours perfecting a single move. They wrap their tired, bloody toes before they slide their feet into ballet pink tights. Dancers move gracefully in pointe shoes and keep a calm face as their toes wither in pain as the hard boxes of the shoes press against their toes and cause blisters and bruised toenails. Anyone who says dancing is not a sport obviously has never felt the endurance, the rush, the pain, the joy, the accomplishments of dancing. Like any other sport, dancers have a team, if one dancer in your class does not put in the same effort as another dancer, the team suffers by embarrassing themselves at a recital, or losing at a competition, the same way a soccer team losses their game if their goalie isnt paying attention, or a football team only has one good player, but the rest of the the the team cant defend him.Dance is a sport, regardless if it is recognized as one or not.
Dancers work out, have practices, stretch, have uniforms and routines just as ay other sport does. As a tennis team prepares for a match by packing their rackets, stretching their arms, and hitting tennis balls across the court, dancers stretch their lean muscles farther than most minds can fathom, they put on their tights and leotard and wrap their hair neatly in a bun. They warm up doing pleas, grand jetes, and foutees en tournant in a mirrored room. They metally prepare for the moment theyve been waiting for, the moment theyve been practicing for hours on end. They walk onto the stage as a basketball player would walk onto the court: with a racing heart and confidence.
The game starts as soon as the music starts. The athlete moves with the music and gives their all for the win. As the dance progresses, their energy lowers and the adrenaline is slowing. The dancer sees the trophy in their future and that pumps gallons of blood and energy, and new life, and excitement into their body again and the last minute of the game is the most exciting,the most energetic and the most rewarding.When the game is over, when the athlete knows their practices payed off, when they have that win, it is the happiest moment a dancer can have. A dancer is an athlete. They practice, they compete, they win, they lose, they stretch, they endure, they love what they do. They dance the same way soccer players weave the ball between their feet. Dance is a sport.
Joy - I'm not sure why my comments for this paper didn't post...I know they were on here a few days ago. I've posted them again below:
Dancers spend hours perfecting a single move. They wrap their tired, bloody toes before they slide their feet into ballet pink tights. Dancers move gracefully in pointe shoes and keep a calm face as their toes wither in pain as the hard boxes of the shoes press against their toes and cause blisters and bruised toenails. Anyone who says dancing is not a sport obviously has never felt the endurance, the rush, the pain, the joy, the accomplishments of dancing. What arguments do people use when they say “dancing is not a sport”? Does someone arguing that “dancing is not a sport” always mean they haven’t experienced dancing? Can a dancer believe dancing should not be considered a sport? Why or why not? Like any other sport, dancers have a team, if one dancer in your class does not put in the same effort as another dancer, the team suffers by embarrassing themselves at a recital, or losing at a competition, the same way a soccer team losses their game if their goalie isnt paying attention, or a football team only has one good player, but the rest of the the the team cant defend him. Are you trying that say that a commonality between dance and other sports is the aspect of belonging to a team? Dance is a sport, regardless if it is recognized as one or not.
Dancers work out, have practices, stretch, have uniforms and routines just as ay other sport does. As a tennis team prepares for a match by packing their rackets, stretching their arms, and hitting tennis balls across the court, dancers stretch their lean muscles farther than most minds can fathom, they put on their tights and leotard and wrap their hair neatly in a bun. They warm up doing pleas, grand jetes, and foutees en tournant in a mirrored room. They metally prepare for the moment theyve been waiting for, the moment theyve been practicing for hours on end. They walk onto the stage as a basketball player would walk onto the court: with a racing heart and confidence. I think it might make your argument more persuasive if you could address how having an opponent affects what is seen as a sport. When “a basketball player…[walks] onto the court,” they are going to face an opposing team. How does this differ for a dancer “[walking] onto the stage…”?
The game starts as soon as the music starts. The athlete moves with the music and gives their all for the win. As the dance progresses, their energy lowers and the adrenaline is slowing. [The dancer sees the trophy in their future and that pumps gallons of blood and energy, and new life, and excitement into their body again and the last minute of the game is the most exciting,the most energetic and the most rewarding.] I found this sentence confusing. Does the prospect of getting a trophy enhance performance? When the game is over, when the athlete knows their practices payed off, when they have that win, it is the happiest moment a dancer can have. How is winning a dance competition different from winning a basketball game? A dancer is an athlete. They practice, they compete, they win, they lose, they stretch, they endure, they love what they do. They dance the same way soccer players weave the ball between their feet. Dance is a sport.
I think you provide a really strong description of what it means to be a dancer. I think your argument would be more persuasive if you are able to engage the argument that dancing is not a sport. First, you will need to fully explain what statements people make to defend the position that dancing is not a sport. Then, using your arguments for why dancing IS a sport, you will be able to point out flaws in their claims.
Revision Argument (posted RHS April 13 -- 171 April 15)
So Ive been thinking a lot about changing my statement lately. A friend of mine took his life this weekened and he was a part of my church choir. Its made me cry, think, love, hate, and cry some more. It's been an emotional past couple of days, but maybe these are the best days to write, to create a well thought out, emotional, and persuasive argument. It's nothing like my old one, so if you think my old one is better Ill revise that instead. Sorry for being so late on this, like I said. It's been a rough couple of days. Hope to hear from you soon.
High school is a time of change. Emotions and hormones run minds, and it's a time to find who you really are, and who you want to become as you grow to be a responsible adult. In high school, you grow a couple inches or so, you may start to find hair on your face, under your armpits and you find yourself looking older, more filled out everyday. You experience prom, maybe your first love, your first letter grades that count, you decide what you really care about. You make friends you may keep your whole life, you make enemies. You see more pain, drama, love, trust, back stabbing, laughter and stress in high school than you will your whole life. All of these thing you experience in high school, and it sounds like a great rollercoaster of youth. That may be the cause for some, but for others, high school and life in general is a living hell. Bullying is so common in high school now adays people claim, "it's just part of growing up. It'll get better. I promise." But what they dont realize, is those students are going through all of this stress, hate, back-stabbing, pain during the most influential part of thier lifes. High school days shape and effect who a person can become. Two Iowa high school students committed suicide this past weekend. One, I knew, the other I didnt. My friend kept so much weight on his shoulders. He joked with his friends and played all of the "harmless" jokes off, like it was nothing. He had a great, unbreakable facade that he wore every single day. Keeping that facade and dealing with high school life was too much. Late sunday night, he took his life in his room with his dad's gun. BUT. This may have been prevented. What if everyone of us who has seen him that morning at choir had told him that he was loved, and appriciated and that his smile brought this great joy to all of us, would that has made a difference? What if he had told someone, that he was depressed and suicidal? Would he of accepted help? Or would his friends tease him for a small chemical imbalance in his brain that could have been treated with medecine and therapy? We'll never know. Our choir is left in a state of emptiness and sadness, with prayers and kleenex always around, we try to cope with the loss of a good friend. Another high schooler in small town Iowa took his own life this weekend, because he felt death was better than living the way he was. His family told the press and Iowa Pride Network that he felt alone and depressed because he was bullied for being gay at school. Coming out as gay to a conservative, small town is tough enough. He was ridiculed, and teased every day by students he had grown up with and he was surrounded by hate. He felt that death was peaceful, and a great weight would be relieved from his shoulders and that he couldnt live through high school to see what he could become. My friend and the small town boy will never experience prom. They will never ween thier babies open thier eyes for the first time. They will never walk across the stage to graduate high school. They will never go play beer pong at a frat party and get up early to take exams in college. They will never have thier first real jobs. They will never be able to grow up. They will forever be remembered as a friend from high school that took thei life. They left those who knew them memories and an emptiness in their hearts. Bullying is never okay. NEVER. Depression is a treatable chemical imbalance in the brain, and with time and person can feel much better with support and a good therepist. But a mind is tricky to play with, and without support a person can find themsleves trapped with no way out. Bullying is not support, it's hate. It is bringing people down. It is making the victim feel worthless and alone. It makes people want to run away from their lifes. It makes people want to take thier lives.Bullying is too commoon in high school, I am a high school student and I hear comments every single day pointed toward certian races, sexuality, socio-economic classes, etc. I hear people calling people fags, niggers, carpet munchers, beaners, towel heads. I hear jokes about Hitler killing jews, how many Mexicans can fit into a car or a small space, I hear people calling out other people for absolutley no reason, but to embarrass them. Bullying is evident everywhere I go at Roosevelt High School, it was evident at Goodrell middle school, and it is obvious that it takes place everywhere in school settings everywhere in the world. According to the National Conference of State Legislators, almost 20% of kids have seriously thought of suicide. 15% of those have actually made plans to kill themselves. Suicide is the fourth leading cause of death in teenagers and bullying and depression have a huge part of suicide. Schools need to take bullying seriously and stop the comments as soon as they are made, whether they are serious or not. Students need to understand the graveness of bullying and the effects may be as severe as death. We, as a society need to be better about watching what we say to people, and saying every once in a while to the people we know, "I love you and you mean a lot to the people you're around everyday. You have impacted my life and made a difference and I wanted you to know that". Maybe, if we as a whole, did those small things everyday, 36,000 people would be alive everyyear instead of taking their own lives. My friend may have died, but he didnt die in vain, because maybe out of his death, the word may spread that bullying is never okay, that it may lead to depression, self harm, and even suicide. Both Carson and Kenneth may have experienced prom, graduated, had kids, got a job, bought a house. Without bullying, they may have LIVED.
Hi Joy! I appreciate you seeking my advice. It’s clear that your writing has, in some way, helped you work through some tough emotional issues. I would definitely recommend using writing the way you think you should or need to at this time. I think you were headed in the right direction with your dance essay. The main suggestion for improvement with that essay at this point in time is addressing differing opinions about the role of dance as a sport. I don’t think it would be out of line to ask Mr. Johnson for more time, if that’s what you think might help. If you are interested in continuing with this second essay, I would recommend that you try to balance your anger and pain to focus more on why people bully, the consequences for bullies and those they bully, and what you think the school system should do to counter such behavior. I think there is a way for your to keep your personal story, but also make it applicable to others so that they can understand the persuasiveness of your argument/cause.
Please let me know what you decide to do and how I can help support you!
~Molly
Final Argument (posted RHS April 20 -- 171 April 23)
Dancers spend hours perfecting a single move. They wrap their tired, bloody toes before they slide their feet into ballet pink tights. Dancers move gracefully in pointe shoes and keep a calm face as their toes wither in pain as the hard boxes of the shoes press against their toes and cause blisters and bruised toenails. Do you think physical pain (“blisters and bruised toenails”) is a necessary component of a sport? Anyone who says dancing is not a sport obviously has never felt the endurance, the rush, the pain, the joy, and the accomplishments of dancing. Do all dancers believe dancing is a sport? I’m still curious about this. Like any other sport, dancers have a team, if one dancer in your class does not put in the same effort as another dancer, the team suffers by embarrassing themselves at a recital, or losing at a competition, the same way a soccer team losses their game if their goalie isn’t paying attention, or a football team only has one good player, but the rest of the team can’t defend him. Your team is your family, and so are your co dancers. You spend the day warming up with them, sweating with them, falling with them, laughing with them, sharing your passion with them. You dance with your team, you play soccer with your team. Dancers work as hard, if not harder than most sports players, by spending all day dancing vigorously in painful pointe shoes and often times don’t leave the studio until the darkness hours of the night, with their toes bruised and bleeding. Aren’t there types of dance that don’t involve a team? Should these individual dancers still be recognized as athletes? Dance is a sport, regardless if it is recognized as one or not. I think this might be a good place to identify the specific arguments for why dance is not a sport: ex. dance is a performing art, dance is scored subjectively to the opinions of a judge. What exactly is the definition of a sport? How does this definition support or challenge your argument?
Dancers work out, have practices, stretch, have uniforms and routines just as any other sport does. As a tennis team prepares for a match by packing their rackets, stretching their arms, and hitting tennis balls across the court, dancers stretch their lean muscles farther than most minds can fathom, they put on their tights and leotard and wrap their hair neatly in a bun. They warm up doing pleas, grand jetes, and foutees en tournant in a mirrored room. They mentally prepare for the moment they’ve been waiting for, the moment they’ve been practicing for hours on end. I think you do a great job here providing specific examples of similarities between dancers and other athletes. They walk onto the stage as a basketball player would walk onto the court: with a racing heart and confidence. The basketball player see’s their challenge: beating the opponent, the dancer sees the talented ingénue, fresh faced and graceful, dancing her way to the top, trying to take the prima’s spot. A dancer must work to raise to the prima position, but they must work even harder to stay on top. True dancers are never fully satisfied in their work, because they always strive for better. I think you are trying to say that the competition in dance is individualized and competition in other sports is among teams. This could be a valuable time to identify sports that do not always involve a team, such as tennis. Using this kind of example could help you identify more ways in which dance mirrors activities that are recognized as sports by all individuals. Some say traditional athletes think that way as well. Athletes set goals, and when they achieve their goal, they strive for a higher goal, nothing to them in unreachable. Some skeptics believe dance is not a very completive sport, which is a bunch of “tutus and pink leotards waltzing around for fun”. Those skeptics are so wrong. In the Juilliard Dance School alone, they only accept 12 women and 12 men out of the thousands upon thousands that apply to attend the prestigious college. Not one person can argue and say that is not competitive. This could be another area to expand upon another comparison between the two. Both dance and more traditional sports teams are valued in the college setting. Athletes often receive funding (through the form of scholarships) within these settings.
The game starts as soon as the music starts. The athlete moves with the music and gives their all for the win. As the dance progresses, their energy lowers and the adrenaline is slowing. The dancer sees the trophy in their future and that pumps gallons of blood and energy, and new life, and excitement into their body again and the last minute of the game is the most exciting,the most energetic and the most rewarding. Knowing they have this once chance to prove themselves, that this is their judgment day, dancers give everything to the stage on the day of their performance. When the game is over, when the athlete knows their practices paid off, when they have that win, it is the happiest moment an athlete can have. A dancer is an athlete. They feel that happiness at the end of routine, they know what they have done to make that routine the best it can be, and that’s the greatest joy a dancer can experience. Dancers may be proud of that one moment, but as soon as their head is back in the game, they find themselves choreographing in their heads, setting higher standards, and wanting to dance harder than before, just as athletes do after a game. Dancers are absolutely, without a doubt an athlete. They practice, they compete, they win, they lose, they stretch, they endure, they love what they do. They dance the same way soccer players weave the ball between their feet. Dance is a sport. I think this ending definitely showed that you tried to relate the features of dance with other sports. The similarities you point out (“they practice, they compete, they win, they lose”) provide a compelling final argument that dance should be considered a sport.
Joy,
I know you are going through a rough time right now and I think by choosing to further explore this paper, you were able to reach a much more finalized state of your argument. I would encourage you to keep writing about your feelings about bullying and how suicide has affected you. Please let me know if you have any questions about any of my comments. I think, overall, my main suggestion is to continue to engage the argument that dance is not a sport.
~Molly
Reflection #3 (posted RHS April 23)
I did a lot of self emotion in this piece, and I believe being able to speak my opinions about dancing really helped me out when I didn't know exactly that to say. Also. Writing about what happened to my friend really helped me out in a dark time when I wasn't sure what to say to anyone. My final piece I thought created points that people couldn't disagree with an it effectively created a Argument. Thanks for all your help. I really appreciate it!
Joy.
I'm really glad you were able to use your writing to help cope with your feelings and emotions. I agree that your argument is effective. I've really enjoyed working with you! :)
~Molly